July 28 2013.
Sunday. 10.50 P.M. I have been studying the whole day for about 10 hours with a
few minutes break at some points for meals/snacks, shower, and stuffs. I am
extra dedicated to studying today and as much as I still want to, I have to
take a break now for a little diversion, to relax my braincells.
There are
some hanging issues I need to address to myself anyway. Well last Friday, I
shared to Steve my previous post. I know, it was a crazy thing to do and I
admit I felt a bit stupid after but I want to figure out if what I thought can
work out. I want to know what he thinks and I know he will be honest to me
anyway. A risky move, I know! It was the first time I’m being straightforward
with my feelings to a guy and if I will be busted, then I’m just gonna laugh at
myself haha What I did may not help my chances to having a lasting relationship
but I am happy to say that having such sincere feeling towards Steve is a
strong proof, 100%, that I am totally healed with my broken heart. I am again
ready to take risk in the name of love haha this time though I will apply what
I have learned. Steve responded yesterday and I replied to his email before I
went to sleep and tomorrow I do not know what I will expect. He may talk to me
or not, I have no idea. But I am hoping he will, at least, before he disappears
from my life. I hate people walking away without even telling anything. That is
very selfish, coward and totally disrespectful thing to do. And when my ex did
that to me after our Thailand, jeez, that was totally insulting. He just went
missing and I was like… ‘’okay, what the hell is going on. After everything, a
simple ‘’goodbye’’ I don’t deserve huh?’’ Hahaha It’s funny and I get a frown
at the same time when I get to recall anything from that.
I’d like to
place a bet with you blogger. If Steve will still talk to me and he wont change
a thing, I’m gonna follow what my heart dictates me and that is to fully let
him in my life and deal with the distance later. I feel good with him and my
gut is telling me that he is worth investing my heart. On the other hand, if he
chooses to say goodbye, I’m just gonna set aside ‘’relationships’’ until I’m
done with the studies. What will be, will be! I’m still feeling a bit stupid
and I am not sure how to approach him tomorrow when I see him online, but one
thing for sure I cannot lost my face, I gotta face him. Hahaha I am a bit
nervous but I will be fine! You will be fine, Daisy. Just fine! ^__^.
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