In Need of Buffer

July 13, 2013. Saturday. 10:30 P.M. I got home around 9 tonight from school and group study. Then placed myself so delicately in bed, hugged my tiger stuffed and a second after, cried in silent. My tears ran down relentlessly for a couple of minutes. I broke down and even at this very moment while typing this, I have tears in my eyes. I feel frustrated. I feel challenged but I feel I disappointed myself today. It is difficult for me to get over it right now. It’s the kind of feeling that after trying as hard as u possible can, the outcome is far above your higher margin of expected failure. Writing helps me balance my emotion so here I have to ones again pour my hearts out… I’m really in need of a buffer!...There’s only very few people who can understand me the way I would prefer to be understood and I don’t want them to burn out of my whines. It’s because they also have their own troubles, like me and everyone else, that’s why when I have sooooo much to whine about I would prefer here.

 

On my first class, financial management, I’ve discussed fairly well the stock dividend and stock split, even though the last time I went through all of them was last Sunday. Then we had our first test, an ambush, which was comprehensive about ‘’time value’’, in long methods. I felt shit for my overall self-evaluation towards my test performance. I flanked my 3^rd of 3^rd problem by leaving it unanswered. I was confused how to answer it! Gosh, the time allocated for everyone to answer 3 comprehensive problems was only 15 minutes. Majority didn’t make it there but it’s still a shame!

 

My second class, production and operation management, is bearable, maybe because I was exposed to it before. I share similar feeling towards my financial management, although I do need a lot of review on both. Oh, next Saturday we will have our comprehensive midterm exam. Any form of study is really hard during weekdays coz I have work and I hate the fact that at the end of the day I’m quite tired already. How am I supposed to review then? Daisy, tell me! Well… u’ll figure it out!

 

My third class, research and case writing, is to me….a culprit one! I find it hard to relate myself with. I had done Feasibility Study in college but I felt not as pressured as doing Thesis now. It is maybe because of my time constraints, joggling work, classes hours, self and group studies. Moving on… I’ve researched a lot, maybe not so much, but lots. I had no problem being upfront to everybody to present/discuss anything ‘coz I believe in myself and I am objective when my work is criticized. In fact, I like it when I’m corrected! So based on my researches and understandings towards the subject matter, The Research Design, I have explained it, given examples, and received many questions from my professor, testing me. Then… I made everyone confused. Geez, I was about 95% sure of them before I stepped upfront. I think I and my professor had different references but I had been reading a lot. I guessed I just had shallow understanding towards the subject matter and my professor somehow made me realized that. She told me right where I stand that it is good to see me keeping myself ‘’very cool’’ and looking ‘’cute’’, despite being in a ‘’tight spot’’. It was a sincere complement and everyone agreed more than I thought they would. But to me, at that very moment, it did not matter how I handled the situation coz what I wanted was doing what I was supposed to do, i.e., to clear to them what I was saying and not leaving them confused! I understood but I found it very hard for me to express my thoughts. I told Hershey, a classmate and a friend, about my dilemma and she told me I appeared handling the situation really well than those who had been in the same situation and that the prof was right about me. I didn’t know what to say coz I was pissed at myself deep inside, although hearing it has a positive effect.

 

One of the reasons of taking my MBA is to sharpen my skill on how to put my thoughts together and utter them in a well-defined manner. Sometimes I ran out of words, which makes me explain things the long way which can be confusing and misleading to whoever is listening, unless the listener is quick at grasping the idea I am trying to portray. Most people are not as quick as others that’s why I really need to improve at this. C’mon! Daisy, be very constructive all the time! Grrr! I hope to see it at the end of this MBA program. So help me God!