Friendly Date

December 23, 2013. Monday. 10:53 P.M. I had a friendly date yesterday with Dwin. And from trying to open up my heart, I feel everything, I remember everything. I feel nervous, excited, smitten, brokenhearted, … - an internal battle. It makes me smile and frown. At some point, I feel like breaking down. I have hesitation to dig deeper into my emotion. I somehow fear to be hurt. But darn it! I will take things slow. Loving is a great thing afterall.

 

I enjoyed this so called friendly date. Dwin seems to be naturally fun and sweet. I can see right through him with his sincerity. He is more like Steve and I am glad about it. I will see how this new found friendship will progress if it will ever. I’m still smitten with Steve and we still talk. He is my sound chatbuddy as I told him and I adore him! I will always do I think and hopefully with Dwin too ^__^

Marj, Relax

A stranger among millions of people

But a daughter, sister, cousin

A dear friend to her family,

To many, and to me.

We may not be very close like others

But close enough that she affected me

Her charms and energy have been simply amusing.

Last Friday, she was like a spinning ‘’trompo’’

Running everywhere, bouncing to everyone

A ‘’trompo’’ on fire, we couldn’t put down

That’s what how she was then.

 

The last thing I said to her, I will say it again…

‘’Marj, relax ka lang ha.’’

~ Dizzy ~

 

 

December 15, 2013. 3 PM. Sunday. Marjorie died early this morning and I cried, in fact, I am still teary even now. We were having our Christmas party last Friday and when we noticed her missing for nearly an hour, we went looking and found her at the fire exit hardly breathing. She was revived upon reaching the emergency room and was comatose.

 

Everything happened so fast. I was looking down to her when we found her. We were eye to eye. I was trying to keep her awake and not worry a thing. I really thought she could get through it and she’d be fine. She always had a strong spirit and she looked so determined to stay with us by the look of her eyes. When I found out she was being revived at the ER, my tears were breaking out, praying she’d make it just so shed be with her family even for a while.

 

The following day, Saturday, I barely can concentrate during class discussions and I hadn’t have any moment to review for my two presentations. It was our last day in school for this month. I’m glad I made it out there in front of the class despite my emotional state coz Marj wont be either happy if I’d fail myself. After school, I was supposed to be attending my MBA batch’s Christmas party but I opted to visit her at the hospital ‘coz according to the doctor, she’d be gone anytime. It was an emotional yet happy visit and I was sure she heard me and Remy and her family.

 

I'm still teary but trying to compose myself for my dear friend... goodbye Marj. We will miss you....

Self Awareness

December 7, 2013. Saturday. 11:25 P.M. If I was to look down to myself now, staring blank on the ceiling in deep thoughts, I would be laughing. I just find myself hilarious when I look serious and whenever I realize I’m unconsciously doing it I just can’t help it - I laugh. A lot of things is going on in my life and sometimes I think my life is screwed up as I haven’t thought much of it ‘til last year. I felt I was too busy that I somehow forgotten myself or myself just didn’t matter to me then. Now I’m looking after myself, like a lot! I keep an eye to myself and its becoming a habit. I notice the way how I think, talk, response to anyone/anything, behave about and around. Amidst busyness, I notice my every move and it looks like everyone’s too. I notice myself like a lot!

Last week, I registered myself to a 1-year gym membership to have regular workouts. I started the day after it and been very excited to come as much as I can despite work and study. i really did miss my workout so much. My last was early in 2011 and I felt like I aged a lot since then. I always thought to returning to my taekwondo-boxing, yoga and dancing, which were all self-teaching. So now no one can even imagine how delighted I am that finally I’m back to my exercise routine. It’s costing me really but it’s perfectly fine, I get to enjoy it anyway - the body combat (mixed martial arts), yoga, sauna, treadmill, especially. Ahh! I love it! Being in the gym this week, I learned something about myself which either inspiring (for me to push myself) or worrying (‘coz of its nature-a threat). I have a lot less subcutaneous fats than internal fats, which are the worst kind of all fats. I have to get rid of it before it will greatly affect me. The worst fact is that, fats like that you just can’t see! Good news is that (after ample research) it can be trimmed down through exercises but of course I have to keep my exercise with better (healthy) meals to keep it down.

 

First ever overall body health analysis by tanika weighing scale:

Weight is 50.9 kg. Target is 48 kg.

Metabolism age is 23. Target is 19.

Visceral fat rating is 3. Target is 1.
Total fat: 26%. Target is 20%.

 

Input details were: Height 156cm; Age 27; Female

Who Will (poem)

It is quiet here tonight except my heart

Beating for the uncertainties of my life

This restlessness is wearing me

And I wonder who else feels this way?

 

Sometimes I don’t know what I want

I don’t know what to do or why I do it

What’s even the point of knowing

When I’m all by myself?

 

Will I grow old alone and lonely

Or who will take my breath away

And when things fall apart

Who will stand by me, who will?

 

~ Dizzy ~

Anger In The Past

November 17, 3013. Sunday. 11.40 P.M. I never thought I had to be back here this early for something nerve wrecking. I am disheartened and very upset. The thing I hate the most is when someone gambles a child’s life and when someone, regardless who, makes my mother very worried and restless. My youngest brother who has been always a troublemaker and abusive of anyone’s kindness (literally anyone), can barely feed by himself, got someone pregnant, for a reason that he just wanted a child. I heard it all before from my ex- I don’t want to be old with a young child. Well I hate the troubles my brother is causing now between two families and I hate the fact that I have so much hatred inside me all along. I have never raised my voice to my ex, never confronted him from the cheating and from having a child from it. I have never expressed to him how upset I was with what he did. I was deeply hurt but I never bitched about it to him. To me, what happened, happened and it would be exhausting to whine and pointless to spend my energy to go through what happened rather than to help ease the situation. Besides I thought it was normal to feel hell coz I have loved anyway.

 

I always choose to be objective when presented with any situation and seek for a silver lining when everything is gray because I believe that there is always a solution if you face it. But right now, this pregnancy/baby drama is getting me. I know I have a choice of either letting it into my nerve or not, but my anger is intense and I’m giving myself a chance to ventilate, at least at this very moment. I don’t want to end up hating my brother so much, just because I haven’t expressed my anger to someone else in the past.

 

I think I don’t want to be some kind of confidant under the same circumstances. I think I got tired of it. I got tired of people who gambles an innocent’s life, continues being selfish and irresponsible! Its very hard for me to understand that and I probably will never understand that. I know that life is full of uncertainties and don’t know what future has for me but I always try not to pass on the consequences of my actions to other people especially those I value.

1-2-3

October 6, 2013. Sunday. 11:15 P.M. I don’t know where to start writing among many different thoughts amounting in my head but I think I have to start from the top of my priorities. Alright, work first since I need in-flows to help me meet the second in line and the others. Work is going better with the new accounting system which I consider as my deed in the company. Although these past few months, I really find my work boring. And lately it’s getting worst and I am always tempted to tender my resignation right away. But I’m trying to hold on, keeping a positive mind ‘til this year is over. I have to stick to my plan. For now, I want to enjoy some time at work without much pressure using the new system. Besides, I had drawn blood and sweat for that with the two IT guys I had been working side by side. These two I really get along with and I really enjoy technical stuffs anyway. One of them I really like (crush-like) and lately whenever we talk he seemed to have some kind of spark when I look in his eyes. It wasn’t like before but I totally love it hahaha Anyway I was thinking, maybe he misinterpreted my coolness around him. I had no idea how I affected him ‘til the other guy joked about me to not ruin his friend’s life. I thought it was hilarious and I literally laughed my head off. Hahaha I’m such a girl right now- infatuated! ^__^ I can be as silly as I can be!!! But anyway, it’s not my priority right now. Crushes are good but that’s all I can afford as of the moment. Also, I’m making a big move next year and I don’t want anything or anyone interrupting me in whatever ways. I’m crossing my fingers now for a good luck! I told Steve about me having a crush. He was happy of course as I will be happy for him if he was dating although, yes, as I told him, I’d pray they’d eventually break up and he will be single for me again Haha How silly and selfish!!! Kidding aside, the chances for us is very slim and maybe no chance at all to even try us in the first place, unless I am in the USA or he is in Asia which is quite an effort so better not to put any pressure at all. Besides I do love his company and I think I’d still adore him however we are.

 

Three Saturdays ago, I registered for my MBA’s 3^rd trimester which will formally start next Saturday. I have a feeling I will be under a lot of pressure all the way to January but I believe I’ll get through it. It’s funny when I got my grades yesterday ‘coz the highest I got was for my research class. Sometimes it pays off when you had thought of the worst possible scenario, it prepares you and if worst doesn’t happen then its heaven! I got 1.25 and it does feel like heaven baby! Cheers!!!

 

Yesterday, my mother teased me again not to forget to get married. And I just laughed it away. I had never thought of marriage for like a decade. My ex never believe in marriage- he despised it, so I had no reason to fantasize ever marrying him, although I did believe we could conquer the world. It was a very hard battle but I did give my best and noble fight. Now, every fight is a chicken shit compared to it. I’d like to think he is a happy and proud daddy by now. I really hope he is. Moving on, I was really touched about what my eldest brother said to me ones. He said, ‘’things like that (right guy for me and marriage) will come to you in time, you just have to wait and see and when it comes you make it work and you don’t fuck it up.’’ Awww I love you bigbro! He teased me about marriage before but never again after I told him last year that my relationship was finally over. He is always that sensitive and caring brother to me. I wish my future behalf is as caring as my eldest brother, as responsible as my father and as loving as my mother. I can handle the rest haha ^__^. I remember back in college, I was asked during the mock interview how I see myself when I am 30 years old. And I said, I think when I turn 30 I am already married to a loving husband, I have 2 kids (a boy and a girl) and I am still working. I said it like I was so sure of it. Now whenever I recall that very moment, especially that I’m turning 27, it really is something that had flew out of the window. Well, I still believe I’d meet my best behalf when the right time comes. I do not worry about it even at times I crave for a loving guy with me but I get over it. I’m leaving it all to time ‘coz it’s something I can never get over the counter.

 

I better take my beauty rest now ‘coz I can’t have puffy and dark eye bags tomorrow, just in case I’d meet my future husband around the corner hahaha ^__^.

You Got Me (poem)

Why and why you’re always in my mind

I wish you were mine all day and night

This feeling I have for you is intensifying

And soon enough I know will be overpowering.

You are the beat of my heart I cannot fight

I feel you there knocking my breath out

When you’re around, boy, I feel butterflies

You are so enticing in my eyes.

When we are eye to eye everything else is still

And inch by inch you are drawing me closer

Caressing my soul, gluing our eyes together

And making me wonder if your heart had skip a bit.

For my reasons and wits abandoning me

For my lips so thirsty dying to betray me

And for your arms around me and your touch I crave

I think I’m going crazy, so crazy, indeed.

When you are somewhere else I see you in my head

Where every curve of your face is perfectly engraved

Tell me it’s mutual that I’m not just your pal

Otherwise, I’d say you still got me anyway!

 

~ Dizzy ~

Fatal Error (poem)

Tears are born in my eyes

Like a raging river down my face.

I can’t help them nor myself.

‘Coz I’m very torn from deep within.

If not at my best I give a better fight

Even with uncertainties of ever winning

I take it with all my pride

But I feel lonely, will it be for eternity?

I feel like it’s gonna be that way.

Where is the sense of it all?

When love is… just a fading ambition

Dizzy is in fatal error today

And I don’t know what to do

When I run out of wit

Who will fill me some?

I want to go home…

Hug mama or papa without a word

Please, without any word

And don’t worry ‘coz I love you

I will be alright, I will be okay

But ‘till then all I want to do is cry

Just let me cry… for now.

 

~ Dizzy ~

Walk With Me (poem)

Today you are walking with me
On the same road we took just yesterday

It looks like it’s gonna be everyday

But I won’t mind ‘coz I like it anyway.

Those moments I replay in my head

Where everyone is coming and going

And our feet are in harmony walking.

When you glance at me I melt like ice

These little chills feel so grand.

When you talk I hear melodies.

Apparently, you have found your way to me

You can soften my hard edges.

By the fondness of your being

And with your genuine smile

Your stares I clearly understand.

This road is not very long

So tell me to take care as always

And perhaps with a kiss on my cheek

Then, I’ll see you tomorrow

For another walk down this road.

~ Dizzy ~

Breathe (poem)

I hurt myself today from these sad memories

Lurking in my head, waiting for my weak moment

Now, what I can do, I’m letting them do their work

Go on, enjoy the feast while I’m lonely and blue

 

This state of depression is settling in

It’s stripping me bare I’m exposed to dangers

The generosity of loneliness is screwing me up

Sometimes it’s hard to get by with just my smile

 

C’mon, it’s time for a serious intervention

Enough of these disheartening thoughts

Life is full of uncertainties

So, just breathe instead!

 

~ Dizzy ~

 

The Feel Of It

September 21, 2013. Saturday. 1:30 A.M. When I wake up in about 6-7 hours, I’d be going to school for next trimester’s registration, then back to classes next Saturday. Yes, I am serious… it is indeed a marathon! I’m glad my work is going my way. I mean, I had been working my ass hard (sorry with the foul word) with the system programmers to simplify work process, so I deserve enough space to breath. It’s safe now to assume, I’d be going home on time from now on. With full time work plus full time study, I’m aiming not to lose my senses haha

 

Last Monday, I left work ahead of time to stand as one of the panels for the last group’s research oral defense. It went fine and I think I had served my purpose. As the second trimester is ending, I can’t help to take long breaths, this time they are pleasant. I have learned tremendously although at some points I experienced this so – called ‘’information overload’’. In many ways, it harnessed me. My job now is to apply these learnings. When New Year comes, I’ll start applying for a new job. My MBA won’t make sense if I’ll stay with my current job which does not really offer any option other than leave. Besides I no longer have any reason to stop at any point for considering anyone or anything. I learned my lesson on that too.

 

Moving on, I had been thinking of reducing one subject for next trimester but I ended up with a decision to take the same amount of units. I know I will probably be strangled with the same level of stress or even more, all the way to the end of this year, but it will damn please me when I get through it all. I believe I could make it. What can I do, I feel challenged! I enjoy the feel of it I guess Haha Well, I’m crossing my fingers, I think I’m gonna need it. Could you do the same for me, bloggers? ^__^.

Luxury Dream (poem)

The sun comes up smiling for me

as a beautiful harmony plays.

This happens all the time lately and baby,

it’s because I am happy.

On your first hello,

I just knew I’d fall for you and I won’t be blue.

Now, my heart beats in perfect rhyme,

it feels so cozy within your arms.

It’s surprising how you make me feel,

you’re my power booster to do just anything.

Sometimes I feel living a luxury dream,

with nothing in this world that is burden.

 

~ Dizzy ~

Leave Me (poem)

Here I am, yes it’s me

So sick and tired of my own whines

Now leave, leave me, and never come back

You can’t bring me down, I can’t let you to

Grrrr GO! Away from me, will you!

 

Yes I am strong and no one can argue

To hear this beast-like beating of my heart

To feel this fire burning deep inside

To have this kind of faith in myself

You can't stop me to reach my every goal!

 

~ Dizzy ~

Wake Up!

September 11, 2013. Wednesday. 10:40 P. M. The day is changing in about an hour and I still don’t have the will to read my books. I have one more final exam on Saturday and I seem to not care it would turn out. This trimester really got into my nerves!

 

My week started bored. Although it’s not really boring bored but I just feel bored and lazy, or maybe I am tired that’s why I feel lazy. My two worlds which are work and study are overlapping and I seem to be losing control over that. It’s irritating me coz it’s affecting my focus. They are both huge chunks of my priorities and with them mixing together, it’s a big ‘’Ahh!’’. I want to quit too much analyzing for a week but I can’t do it. It’s not that I can’t, I just don’t want to. Oh Daisy, this is bad, really bad, you have to start taking action now… like right now… at this very moment.

 

Emmm… my eyes are again falling… I need them wide awake! Why I am letting these into my nerves in the first place? It’s kinda not me!!! ‘’Daisy, wake up, wake up!’’ LOL

Friendship (poem)

To: Steve

 

People come into my life, some stay and some leave

Some deserve my attention and some just don’t

Some have hearts of gold and some are rude

And you, my dear, is simply wonderful.

 

When you’re around, it’s hard to control myself

I must admit, sometimes my desire for you is burning

You make me feel warm and great like no one else

I want you to know, I am grateful to ever meet you

 

I want to carry you around in my pocket if I can

To be my best buddy wherever my life takes me

Sometimes I thought you are too good to be true

But when I try to evaluate you, the more I admire you

 

We may never meet in person nor have a future together

But may this kind of friendship we have will last

Through time and distance we may never part

‘Coz otherwise, my Stevie, I’d have to hunt you down! ;)

~ Dizzy ~

Final Overload

September 8, 2013. Sunday. 10.30 P.M. It’s been so long since I last wrote a poem. This time, I wrote it for Steve. I didn’t go out today and I declared a lazy day which means slowing down everything and sleeping as many hours as it pleases me plus naps. It’s the worst job ever! Haha Well, I did some house cleaning, I washed some clothes too and I wrote a poem. Strictly no studying, although I was sorting some study papers when I woke up this morning. I just finished the poem so now it’s time for some updates here.

 

So yesterday, I had my final exam for financial management 1 and it went okay. I have not studied but I think I passed- just passed! Haha It’s awful to take exams based on stock knowledge coz it always takes a while to answer! Then, I had my presentation for production and operation management 1 and it went fine. When I was done, my professor just asked me one question which I was not able to answer. I had not anticipated that. I made some points based on my hunches but I have nothing for back up so he said, ‘’alright class, that question will come up in the final exam on Saturday’’. Hahaha Very cool, he declared question! The goal now is to find answer to that question so I get a sure 20 points and regain my pride from not being able to answer it right in front of the class. Then, I passed 3 different papers as final requirements yesterday. The case study analysis was frustrating though. I can’t push my brain to work harder when it’s already drained. I hope I won’t fail the research subject even if I sucked up at the beginning with my presentation. With 2 weak spots, I have to do an excellent job in the oral defense this Saturday. My God, please don’t make me repeat that subject, please. I’m kinda worried about those weak spots. I’m really considering to reduce number of units to get next trimester so I won’t be too exhausted. I cannot, by all means, compromise my time at work, otherwise I won’t be able to pay my tuition haha I have to curse…. Shit!! Hahaha Now, I better sleep. G’night blogger! ^__^.

Passing by The City of Dreams

Strolling Around Hong Kong

On our first day, the moment we landed at the Hong Kong Airport, we purchased our ''octopus card'' at  HK$ 150/ person, wherein the HK $50 is for security deposit, leaving 100 as useable credits for the trains, ferry, and busses. The cards can be easily reloaded at any stations, so it's pretty handy to have. They return the deposit upon surrender of the card plus the unused credits if u choose to, minus refund charge of $9. Then we went to ''The Peak'', the highest point in Hong Kong and to Madame Tussauds - A walk with the Stars. We took the bus from the finance bus stop to The peak for 50 minutes and took the ''The Peak Tram'' on our return for 15 minutes. I know the travel difference is quite huge but it's great to experience both. The view was spectacular!

 

 

On our second day, we went to Ngong Ping and Disneyland. The cable car ride was overwhelming. The wind was strong and whistling that day and the ride was longer than regular days coz it had to pause twice above hills. It was amazing though heart pounding each time the cable swings! Haha When we reach to the Ngong Ping Village after 8 cable car towers, we were amazed. It could have been more amazing it wasn't foggy but we still enjoyed that must-see place! Then we took the cable car again for the return and off we headed to Disneyland where we spent most of our time 'til 6PM.

 

 

 On our third day in Hong Kong, we strolled around to check out the nearby public parks, to buy ferry tickets to Macau for the next day and to shop for souvenirs we see and like. We also went to the temple market to feed our curiosity and got home at 7 P.M. I and the 2 girls left the couple and headed out for a night shopping nearby for about an hour. We bought a few branded clothes for ourselves in a lesser prices. it's actually very fun to shop around there but we didn't have much time and our feet already hurt. We also have a trip to Macau at 7:30 in the morning, which we were so damn lucky çoz the sits were running out when we went to get them.

 

 

Above is some of our memorabilia. We did enjoy our stay in Hong Kong especially coz it was easy to get around. We thought of going back there for shopping hahaha *High Five guys, for another wonderful trip with you! 'Til the next one!*

Stress Relief

September 1, 2013. 11:30 A.M. I hope this date will freeze for a while. I still have many things to do for the finals and it means longer time. I cannot compromise my time at work coz I already took two half days off this week and I cannot do that again next week. I hate backlogs! I know I should have been doing it now rather than blogging but I need a moment to whine a bit to clear my head.

 

Last night, we extended time for our research class’ group 1 and 2 oral defense. The class was dismissed at 7:30, but my group’s defense will be next Saturday so I and 4 others brainstormed ‘til 9 PM. When I got home I just dropped dead on my bed til 8 this morning and still felt exhausted.

 

I woke up from an intense dream. I was like in the middle of a jungle, screaming and fighting for my life against a river monster. The huge and ugly looking creature was fish-like with large sharp teeth and fins and it was trying to tear me into pieces for its meal! I got scratches from fighting it. I got thrown and nearly drown from the raging river, which was a kilometer long and I couldn’t count how many times I had been chased down and up that river. In the other part of my dream was Steve, driving his car, sensed that I needed him. I didn’t how he did it but he drove to where I was and found me just when I finished slaughtering that creature. I looked messed up and weak but I was pretty much alive. When I saw him approaching I felt safer. I couldn’t afford to fight another creature so I just fell in his arms and he took me home.

 

I may have slept many hours but I still felt tired the moment I woke up. I’m just glad that he appeared in my dream giving me some kind of comfort. I value my dreams a lot coz they represents my unconscious mind and deeper part of my emotion. However I feel and whatever I experience in my waking hours affects them. I know I am mentally and emotionally stressed out and that I can see from the raging river plus that disgusting creature. Jeez, I’m glad I’ve defeated it. The hell, I’d let it eat me for its meal!

 

Oh, Steve sent me a record of him singing with his guitar last Friday morning and I just found it today. Alright, alright, I admit it, I love it! ^__^ Busted! I know I am easy to please but he strummed his guitar and sang a country song for me! He picked the one I like! How adorable that is! No one had done that for me before. Now I’m smitten by my friend! Haha the feeling eases my pressures and it’s just what I need right now! Thanks my dear Stevie *kisses for you!* ^__^.

Work Hard, Have Fun

August 26, 2013. 11:10 P.M. Monday. My feet no longer feel any soreness from too much walking during the trip and I am imagining the relief my trip buddies are feeling right now. The trip went great, leaving us satisfied and happy with many adventure memories to recall in our heads! I am cropping some of our photos now for better angles. And I couldn’t help but giggle watching the videos I took ^__^.

 

I am glad, it’s a non-working holiday today, so we didn’t have to take a leave from work to recover our energies. Tomorrow is the start of my battle, with work and school. This week and next are my busiest weeks at work and I have 3 Saturdays left in school. My group written research to submit this Friday and oral defense next week. Two presentations this coming Saturday, still polishing the second one together with my case study analysis I am still working on and to be submitted by then. Pheow! I am glad I don’t feel lazy but quite determined to get them done, and although it will probably be brain-drained me all the way to the final exam, I am hopeful I could nail them all! Daisy, be in control!

 

‘’Dear my guardian angels, thank you for the safe and fun-filled trip I had with my friends. The memories will always be treasured. Thanks! ^__^.’’

Weather Update

August 21, 2013. 1:30 A.M. Wednesday. Two of my friends are flying at 7:55 A.M. and I am so relieved the rain had stopped. The weather has been going nuts since Sunday due a typhoon enhancing the monsoon rain. It stopped about 6 hours ago and I am still prayerful it won’t go nuts again. My flight will be tomorrow, the same time, with 2 other friends. The typhoon will be out of the Philippines in the afternoon but I hope it won’t trouble Hong Kong so then we will get to enjoy our stay there better.

 

It has been the weather that kept on monitoring since Sunday. School and work had been suspended due to flooding and stuffs resulted from the bad weather but I never got a chance to finish my requirements. I had to be monitoring the weather update and I couldn’t get it off my head. It occupied me over a hundred percent. I’m glad everyone I love and care about are all safe and sound. it makes me feel okay myself.

 

‘’Dear my guardian angels, who never leave my side, as I ones again intend to stretch my horizon away from my safety zone, please always watch over me. I pray for a smooth, safe and fun-filled trip with my friends. Thank you dear angels!’’

Setting Aside Paranoia

August 18, 2013. 2.30 A.M. Sunday. This is often the scenario each time I am home from school- I am still awake 2-4 hours after midnight. Most Saturdays, I feel extra determined but extra exhausted too that the moment I get home, I would collapse on my bed for an hour or 2, then… I’m wide awake for hours! Now I am still very awake but yes I know I must sleep very soon, like real soon, not later than 3 A.M.

 

My presentation did not push through. The batch of 3 presentors needed extra time so I couldn’t fill in the last 30 minutes. As prepared as I was, I still felt relieved. Back to my original spot, there’s a batch of 4 presentors next meeting, before me. I have a feeling they will eat up the whole 3.5 hours then.

 

Now, I can put my paranoia aside and focus on my 2 final requirements, which deadlines are on the 31^st. I want to finish them before I leave for my trip on Thursday. I hope I won’t be too busy at work but that I doubt. *Pheow!* I’ll do my best so I won’t be thinking of requirements during my trip and hopefully the typhoons will stay away from my radar then. Please typhoons, hear me out ^__^.

Paranoia

August 16, 2013. 12.20 A.M. Thursday. I think I have paranoia for days now and I couldn’t seem to help it. This Saturday, I MUST be able to do my presentation for production and operation management. It is worth 25% of my final grade for this trimester and it’s the surest way to get higher grades than exams or quizzes or something. There are 3 presentors who have to be finished first before me coz their topics are interrelated with each other. I hope they’ll finish really quick or I’d be damned! Saturdays are unpredictable. On the next Saturday I will be absent coz I have Hong Kong and Macao trip for 4 days. I don’t want to miss that either. I’ve been looking forward for this one coz I and my friends booked it before I even enrolled myself to mba! But then I don’t want to put this program in jeopardy by getting low grades from missing my presentation. Now I can’t even put my trip excitement in the line. My mind will wear down until this Saturday is over. Oh my God, please let me have both, please….

 

My presentation is ready, both written and visual reports. I just need 30 minutes this Saturday. I have sorted out the trip itinerary with Remy yesterday and today, then I’ll pack up on Sunday before I’ll be back to work on Monday. I feel helpless, getting caught in between. I hate this paranoia but I am hopeful my prayers will be heard. Crossing fingers!