Little Sister

Having a ‘’little sister’’ can be a wonderful or terrible thing

I started to care by helping you finish your food

But Mama would always say, ‘’Daisy, that’s for the baby!’’

Then, I had to wash those sheets you pooped and pissed on

It was like a nightmare to see but it turned out funny

As I practically learned prudence by that ‘’big sister’’ responsibility.

 

Those times gone by and we’ve pondered our paths

Yet you still fill me with frowns, smiles and laughs

You express your feelings without any doubt

As positive like Anna, powerful like Elsa, happy like Olaf

As sweet as chocolate and as smooth as fudge

And you may fight and argue but without any grudge

 

Our distance may stretch for miles and miles

But your beauty continues to glow no matter what

It is defined by the loveliness that lives within your heart

A true beauty no one can conceal and with so much to share

So let it be known, that even air cannot compare

Çoz you cannot be found elsewhere – like your big sister!!!

 

 

Hahahaha! LOL:-P Happy Birthday Inday Git! Ngayon na, para ako mauna.

First time kong magreeting card sayo noh AFTER 18yrs na pod!Haha

Enjoy your day tomorrow. Hashtag dayon #GiftBirthdayToday

Anyway, keep it up. You are doing great! :)

 

~ Your Beautiful Ate, Daisy ~

 

 

July 2014. Just before her 19th birthday, I posted this on her Facebook wall and she buzzed me right after reading. She said she felt so touched that I am making her cry. And commented on a post how much she idolized me. This is a late posting coz I have had no time to update my blog but this is one of those moments I would always want to look back to. So, here it is blogger. #SisterLove

Smile

‘’Smiling is infectious; you catch it like a flu!’’

When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too.

Then, you smiled in my head and I got terribly infected!

In every step I made, and in every corner I passed by,

I could not wipe off the smile on my face

I felt weird, but what-the-heck I love it!!!

Whenever you’re near, and you smile out from ear to ear

I am a happy-pretty head getting that contagious disease

How can I complain when I like the hallucination it brings

It slowly opens up the sky, taking me up there

Where angels joyously play their harp

Flashing their mischievous smile, Ahhh!!!

 

~ Dizzy ~

#WednesdayTherapy #BodyCombat ^__^. LOL

06/11/14

Pump

November 2, 2014. Sunday. 10:31 A.M. At my new place. I’ve been reviewing notes on my HBO subject the whole day yesterday ‘til today. And throughout this week, I plan to review for FINMAN. I feel pumped but relaxed. Yet I cannot be too confident ‘coz I have no idea at all what’s gonna come up for the exam on Sunday (morning – HBO, and afternoon – FINMAN). I am hopeful to pass these two and the two more in the next Sunday after that. I feel a lot better now compared to a couple of weeks ago. I had been coughing and sneezing and it felt like flu. It has been a while since I got sick like that so I really felt drained. Those times could have been used for my review but it was terribly difficult to keep my focus and I am glad I have it now. I badly need it ‘til this year ends. Oh God, please be with me on this too. I can’t thank You enough how grateful I am for everything in my life now, with what I have and how I am doing.  And though I still have so many things I want to possess and achieve, I always feel so blessed at every step. Cheers blogger! And for my two exams on Sunday! ^__^

 

‘’Dizzy Daisy don’t get dizzy, time is up so get back on your notes!!!”. ‘’O-oh-kay’’ :-P

Retract

August 30, 2014. Saturday. 8:56 P.M. Hello blogger. It feels like a very long time, like forever, since we talked last. I really missed the tranquility in each of our spiritual dialogues. The voice of my subconscious which speaks only truth that cannot be broken. The rhythm of my breathing inhaling what life brings me and exhaling the pressure of processing them. The pulsating blood in my veins from the unstoppable pounding of this willful heart against my chest, keeping me alive and kicking, even when I feel like breaking. My bones feel fragile, and my limbs feel like dry leaves leaving an old dying tree. I have aged fast lately. Blogger, I am awfully overwhelmed tonight with everything and everyone. I feel like I am losing the brand of myself. I want to retract myself back in, distant from work, school, family, friends,… I want to be with myself, to have conversations in silence. I want myself in one piece, without anything to process for a moment. In these last few weeks, it became a struggle to keep myself intact. It feels like, I have no choice but to be drawn to every direction, all at the same time. I feel myself all over the place.

I don’t even know where to start now. All I know is I need you, blogger. You are me. And I know you understand me better than anyone else in the world. I confide to you, all the time. I am sorry I cannot hold my tears now, betraying me, clouding my sight and flooding my cheeks.

There is two Saturdays left before this trimester is over and I am supposed to be working on a business plan now but I prefer to sit and deal with this dilemma, to gain some sense of wholeness. I think I am having enough of everything and I need to unload or I will explode. There are 4 members in my group’s business plan and unfortunately it became stressful because one of them attacked the other instead of confronting her in a constructive way. Well, they need to develop more their self-management. Graduate school is about self-development (soul) anyway, and of course, critical-thinking development (mind). Thus, everyone is being introduced to different scenarios. It is funny though how they handle it, instead of resolving it, they get very personal then later hold grudges against each other. That is just so immature. Now I have to absorb their childishness, pacify things and stand-up for my group to constantly monitor activities to make sure everything is in synced. We are such a mess without me holding us closer to work together and meet our goal. It’s taking some of my valuable time and energy and I can’t wait for this business plan to be over and disperse the group.

Since I got back from Desiry’s wedding last June, I had been running all over the place, juggling everything, leaving a bit of me here and there. I had to bear freezing my gym membership for my sake! I had it frozen until December, otherwise I will go nuts, if not nutty-nut, I will be sick from exhaustion and fatigue. So I had to declare ‘’Stop-for-now’’ which saddens me somehow. Then I got busy with work due to my leave days. Class presentations to prepare and present. Friend’s requests which unfortunately I couldn’t accommodate them all but as always I am glad to be able to be virtually available anytime. Then I met Ian. He should be in my next post. Then my parents came over for their first ever trip together, which was organized and accompanied by me. It was a lot of fun and felt so nice to see them together, enjoying and annoying each other. ‘’We don’t stop playing because we are old. We grow old because we stop playing.’’ ^__^.

Emm… I think I can be able to sleep now. I just needed to whine a little, which I am deprived of lately. Thank you, blogger ^__^.

Disappear - Appear

June 7, 2014. Saturday. 1 P.M. Today is the 1^st day of my 5^th MBA trimester. It is frenzy outside and it is time for me to disappear, so here I am – back in my hideout, the library! ^__^. I always love disappearing to have my ‘’me-time’’, to listen to my inner self, to do anything by myself. I drafted my speech for Desiry’s wedding in behalf of Arne and Lizelle and me (her longtime and pledged-forever buddies), and I thought that I may have not met the man, who is man enough ‘’to man’’ himself to me, but I am happy deep inside. Yes, there are those moments that I long to have someone to be with, to do whatever together, perhaps like Bonnie and Clyde, Tom and Gerry, Brad and Jolie, Edward and Bella, but I am in no rush. I strongly believe that there is always a right time for everything and I will know it when it arrives – the ‘’this is it!’’ moment. I have learned enough, even more than enough in my past relationship, which keep me unruffled by circumstances or things thrown in my way. I saw Clarence earlier for his registration and I am glad he is (I guess) coping with his dilemma. And it’s good to see him smile, initiating a quick chat upon seeing me at the hallway. I am proud of myself, to see things falling into my box of expected outcomes, including those few people (salute!) who reacted just the way I thought they would. It was unprejudiced despite the bizarre circumstances. I ignore most men coz I am more like a man than most of them. But a few extremely conflicted ones get my attention when I am in the mode of donating some love. I just couldn’t stand watching them constantly losing their integrity in the eyes of many. It’s because I have high regards with men! Dean, over the years, eventually learned ‘’maturity’’ to stand on his own feet and I learned that my patience must have limits and it is okay to snap it, even intentionally!LOL On the other hand, my outspokenness and cheerfulness made Dwin spell his thoughts (fears and worries) and emotional baggage so easily, that he fondly said to me, ‘’Dais, it’s crazy how I cannot hide anything from you, even if I want to. When we talk, it is like I am willingly stripping myself naked. You are a fun and loving woman.’’ I burst into laugh with his analogy and sincerely said to him, ‘’Well, stranger, aren’t you supposed to share anything? We are trying to get to know each other, aren’t we? Don’t worry, Dwin, I wont hold anything against you.’’ With Dwin, I did feel in-loved again but he is a brokenhearted gentleman, who needs to go through a self-healing process and that takes time! He was the first guy I hanged out with after moving on from my first ever break-up. Dwin is one of those few who are easy to love and I reeeeeeally love his smile! Oh, such a Flirt! Haha! But with Clarence, it was like doing a case analysis to come up with a sound decision, the most viable ACA using a scientific tool + guts + compassion + some icing to soften the edges. Well he flirted with almost all the women in my batch and that really sucks! Flirty, yes, but I still don’t think he is a jerk. He doesn’t wake the bitch side of me and I care for him as a friend, so the moment I knew about all these flirting from Joanna, I tried to distant from him but what-the-heck, it would be without impact! Besides, I am used to going an extra mile for something I thought would have a potential worth at the end. Maybe then he won’t be as lost, otherwise my-gosh worst! The later weighted more so it was interesting if at the end he would tend to sway to my assumed positive impact. It was a call to change my strategy, without of course compromising my integrity. I didn’t want him to fail again with no/very minimal lesson. Sometimes when it’s too swift and silent, it’s like taking a stray bullet right in your head that you die so fast you didn’t get a feel of it. Although, with his stiffness ‘’the virtue of being hard with one’s self’’, he would likely repeat it so publicizing was my best option for his inferiority/overconfidence/madness to be putted into a test. I wanted to see him show off what he bragged about, for ones and for all. Then, if he turns out to be serious with his stated intentions and ready to commit (which I highly doubt), then I might consider him? I don't know, I just don't date BOYS. I prefer to date MEN. Anyway I am hoping that he will eventually know his place by then, and perhaps I would be the last female in our batch he would flirt with. A grand finale huh?! Well, in the most compassionate way I can practically pull for this particular case.

Now that it’s over, I did find Clarence to be naturally affectionate and attentive but he is religiously nurturing his very own enemy within him. His insecurity coupled with his stiffness make things harder than how they actually are. He needs to find happiness within himself in order for him to loosen up! On my part, I treated it as, there is nothing wrong giving a little compassion when I have extra anyway! ^__^. Now he got variety of catastrophic responses from women. Gosh, his consistency in the context of women isssssssssssss quite a shame? Well, I am hopeful my effort is not wasted! Otherwise, well at least I did try to make it count for him. It's crazy how certain people do shatter their own selves!LOL

 

‘’All you can do for someone is do what you can. If that fails, you simply have to forgive yourself and hope that at some point in time he will remember what you have said and make sense out of it, because the truth is, you can never help everyone.’’

 

The first day back to school is always lame, so the group might go out later. I hope they will keep the bullying minimal. ‘Coz even the most wanted criminal has legal rights to be respected!  Alright, it is time to re-appear in the crowd. Talk later blogger! ^__^.

 

Luxury Dream (Poem)

The sun is rising smiling for me
And the birds are chirping for a beautiful day
This happens all the time lately and baby,

It’s because I am happy.

On your first hello,

I just knew I’d fall for you

When I'm in your arms, it feels so cozy

These heartbeats can’t be more in rhyme.

It’s surprising how you make me feel

You’re my power booster to do just anything

Sometimes I feel I'm living in a luxury dream,

In a world that is free from burden.

~ Dizzy ~

This one is a revision. I wrote this last year when I met Steve. This is just a product of my imagination rather than experience anyway. We still talk sometimes and I still adore him ^__^.

Crying Over You (Poem)

If you ever go, how could I let you?

I’ll be so lonely, oh so blue, darlin’, I need you

You’ll be breaking my faithful heart in two.

If you ever go, I’ll fall down on my knees

Please, please, stay, don’t hurt me like this.

If you ever go, and there’s nothing else I can do

I’ll light up the stage, I’ll pull up the curtains

I’ll hold you close to me, darlin’, I love you.

‘Coz if you ever go, I want my own little show

When I’ll be begging and crying over you.

~ Dizzy ~

I just love this drama in here. To me, it is creatively hilarious! I think I am getting used playing around my imaginations! ^__^.

The Parody of Four Worlds

~MY world, HER world, HIS world and THEIR world.

 

MY world is peaceful, secured and vibrant. She is cautiously shaped from her many adventures. She prefers to be on the road, looking through a window to reach as far her eyes can see, feeling everything in forward motion, perhaps, to run like a gazelle, to hunt like a tiger, and to soar like an eagle. In short, mahilig magsolo-flight sa maraming bagay ‘coz she’s fine by herself. Although, nakikisocialize din pag-may-time at pag-nasa mood.

 

HER world is close to MY world. And unlike MY world, she is more organized and socialized. Food trips never run out in HER world. In short, ideal na world ‘coz one will never feel hunger. MY world and HER world are in harmony.

 

HIS world is also close to MY world. He is filled with talents, no one can deny. Salute na, Bow pa. A world of an expert, that is! His world is filled with a rare kind of charm and confidence. He never runs out of silly jokes which MY world would buy without malice. ‘’Kulangot ka ba? ‘Coz you’re so hard to get!’’ ‘’Yikes!’’ Then, at one point, HIS world asked MY world to just please look him in his eyes. And she found herself out of breath (from laughing), but she admired his sincerity anyway. Ang cute cute pala n’ya pag-nagsusumamo ^__^ nyahahaha.

 

THEIR world is close to HER world and HIS world. They are much socialized and MY world often missed their hangouts. Although, she is the least socialized among 4 worlds, they became part of her adventure package – their presence, sensibility, laughter, jeering,… even the immaturity at times she finds quite fascinating.

 

MY world and HER world went for a food trip (as expected LOL). And she learned that HER world turned down HIS world months ago, discreetly. THEIR world doesn’t know. So MY world said to her, ‘’Guess, self-confidence can sometimes be a bitch.’’ LOL

 

Then, MY world tried to distant from HIS world. Even the Valentine’s date he pleaded did not materialized. But he is quite persistent and she simply hates avoiding (not her thing). So given the chance, during ng brown-out at cancellation ng classes, she decided they both needed to sit down and talk. Ito pa, during that day, ‘tsaka nalaman ng buong THEIR world about sa pagkabusted nya previously and of course asaran ang peg. May bagong topic!LOL

 

MY world, being considerate to three worlds, did not turn down HIS world but instead give him a condition to fulfill (In his own terms. Anytime. Anywhere.) before anything else matters. She wanted to give a man a break from his amusing heart affairs, thus, to prove himself to everyone. Kaya na nya yon. Kaya nga! ^__^ haha

 

Then, here comes a night when MY world felt wonderful being around HER world, HIS world and THEIR world. She was in the mood, enjoying the moment ‘coz she did not miss another hangout. At makabawi man lang sa Xmas party na na-missed. And just when she thought the night was going perfectly well, she was caught in between these three worlds! Whatda!!! But she would never compromise any world as much as she can. So she ran and disappeared from their sight, then shake off herself. She felt silly but it was something she had to do. Forget the big crowd of unknown faces and their merrymakings. Forget the booming music and the dancing lights. Forget about her exhausted look from the throbbing headache at sobrang sunod sunod na pagod. Forget where she was standing and whoever was looking. Sa may bridge, napapa-sh*t, napapa-iling, shaking herself, habang maraming nakatingin. Who cares?! Buti madilim. She just needed 10 seconds of herself, to be in her own peaceful world. Then, she went back to the big scene – the one she avoided the most. Awkward moment. (dot, dot, dot) HIS world was dying, asking her not to leave him. She thought he could handle THEIR world’s possible reactions. So she laughed it away and spoke for him. Damn! She needed a bottle of Emperador! Buti di sya nasagad. Or else, who knows, the outcome of the night could be worst. Haha Indeed, it was overwhelming and maybe it couldn’t be done in any way better.

 

One can never control everything. What would matter is how one reacts to the situation at hand. Well MY world is not sure if she handled the situation right. But it was the best she could do at that point. She felt relieved, there was no casualties between MY world, HER world, HIS world and THEIR world. She hopes for none anyway.

 

Finale. HIS world embraced MY world ng pang-wlang-bukas-na-yakap-award. Bigyan ng jacket! ^__^.

 

~ Dizzy ~

March 16, 2014. Sunday.

Beary Simple Hug (poem)

It’s amazing what a simple hug can do

When no flattery words can describe it

Or extravagant surprises can outshine it

It simply warms a heart and delights a soul.

It causes lips to stretch so wide across the face

Like a clown smiling all the way to the ears

Sometimes it looks almost hilarious

But doesn’t really matter anyway.

It’s a perfect way to show love and care

The heavenly gifts only hearts can revere

Dispelling all shadows on gloomy days

And giving ordinary days a best moment ever.

All I really have to do is stretch my arms

And wrap them tight around you

Geez, nothing can make me blue

When I am that beary beary close to you

For love isn’t love ‘til it’s given away

And a simple hug is a whole big lovin’ for me

It’s not just a display ‘coz I get to whisper

‘’Buddy, you mean so much to me.’’ ^__^.

~ Dizzy ~

Shock Absorber

March 1, 2014. Saturday. 5 P.M. At the library, disappointed from my last class’ early dismissal. The professor left us something to do though but… well, I think I want more thorough diversion from work pressure and other things that had come up. Work pressure is reasonably challenging as I expected and my brain has been working triple time! I couldn’t believe that each time I am home late from work, I would fall on my bed and pass out. On some nights, I had hard time to calm down my nerves and I couldn’t sleep despite tiredness. This morning, before my classes started, my mother called me about my younger brother’s pregnant ex-gf who is in the hospital and she asked me to check on her. As much as I want to get involved and clean up anyone’s mess, I just hate the fact that it’s my brother’s dirty mess. I just hate him for being a total jerk and it breaks my heart how I feel for him. How irresponsible of him, leaving a pregnant woman behind and I am supposed to embrace that?! Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. I just don’t have the heart to do anything for it. I don’t want to be part of it. Will that turn me into a bitch? Ahh, help! I need an advice. I want to hear anyone babble about whatever nonsense, at least. All I want to do right now, is put down everything and sleep. Sigh. I despise people who can’t help what they have done and expect someone else would stand up for them to fix their crap. I find it terribly hard to be strong when I have to play as a shock absorber with their irresponsibility. It makes me wonder, if I would ever screw up, who will be there for me? Oh God, please, I beg, not to ever leave my side.

Dating 102(?)

February 22, 2014. Saturday. 8.25 P.M. These past days have been mentally and physically challenging and exciting from joggling work turnovers, overtimes, class presentation preparation and gym workout. Pheow! Now, I just took a short nap, still bothered with this little headache. It’s too hot today when I went out with friends at school. Well, regardless my headache, I feel great about today çoz I had my presentation presented really well this morning in the class. After hanging out with friends, I had a heart-to-heart talk with Clarence. We are at the same age. I just felt I had to talk to him and gladly it turned out okay. I have mentioned him previously in my post early last year when I started my MBA but never thought it will come to this. He said, he is serious about courting me but I sensed desperation. It all started from our first ever MBA class. He would throw me corny jokes and I would buy them all but sometimes I pretend I don’t to make him frown, then I would laugh. A typical Daisy towards someone I am not irritated with. He is approachable and willing to help when anyone in the class is confused about the subject matter. Sometimes he would sit beside me and make jokes. He is not at all my type of guy and I am fairly specific if I like a guy or not. I can hardly develop attraction ones I said to myself ''no not that one'', and he belongs to that category. So I would just go along with the moment, knowing he likes me and wont dare ask me out çoz I see ''fear of rejection'' in his eyes, which I am relieved coz I don't want to hurt a friend. I was sure I would turn him down and I still am. So we talk and talk corniness most often then, which I find hilarious, if not simply funny. It has been that way from then on. Today, I said I’ll give him a shot with a doubt that I would ever see him more than a friend. But giving a benefit of a doubt and giving him a chance to prove himself with his intention, I gave him a go-signal. On Thursday, we will hangout after my work and he said he has something for me for Valentine’s Day if only I have given him a chance to see him then. I was touched with his sincerity and I said sorry I thought it was just another corny joke when he invited me out for Valentine’s Day. Anyway, we talked about anything for about 2 hours this afternoon, after leaving our other friends with their drinking session. I allowed him to touch my hand, even hold it for a while but honestly, it felt so weird. Maybe because I just have no physical attraction to him. Clarence is I supposed charming but not enough to give me butterflies or something. Dwin was way more charming, like in a lot of ways. I really love his smile and his cheerful nature, but the last time we talked he had so much baggage to unload. I have been there but he will surely regain himself in time. I believe he will. Dwin came and went like a blowing wind, saving me from getting too attached and well, from pains. Clarence, on the other hand, I think wont last long. I like the way he looks at me, but I cant return him that. But again, I will give him a chance to express his feelings to me, at least for a while. I will be compassionate to him, otherwise, I would be harsh. I want to plant some ideas in his senses too çoz it looks like he has so much to learn about being in a relationship.

Looking deep into my heart, I’m ready for long conversations so I can emotionally manage this. This Clarence-thing doesn't bear special to me çoz this is more like for his benefit. I want to be generous by showing him some compassion. I have lots of them haha! I also see it as my way of returning favor to someone who does not pissed me off, yet. LOL Anyway, I have to be careful I wont hurt myself in this process. I promise I wont be writing ‘’quit dating 102’’ after this. Hell, No!!! Fingers crossed! Blogger, please keep me reminded! I know you will ^__^.

Sunday Memory

February 16, 2014. Sunday. 1.55 P.M. Sunday often, if not always, gets me. It happens when I am home with my two roommates who are accustomed to sleeping the days and nights away. A lot less mind-engaging days. Yes, I have clothes and uniforms to wash, nails to trim and polish, readings to catch up, presentations to prepare, and perhaps a new recipe to try. Still, I couldn’t help my mind wander into my memory bank. I am again overwhelmed (sometimes I despise it) having the ability to recall many things in full details, as if they were from 24 hours ago. My memory is quite sharp when it comes to events which I am involved in.

 

Sunday is special to me and will always be. I guess to most people it is, as well. It is time to relax, to hangout with friends, or family, or themselves. Well, I dated my ex on Sundays and the last dating-Sundays were with Dwin. Never mind my ex ‘coz I’m over him, but Dwin on the other hand had successfully casted a spell on me. LOL And I just remember everything… I wonder how he is at this very moment. I have a few ideas what he would probably be up to, and lying here on my stomach, working on my laptop, I imagine him in the garage working on his white car to be whiter, dating with his car for hours. Or maybe, he is hanging out with his family in the mall or somewhere. Regardless which or what he is currently engaged in, I am comforted with him in my mind. I am not annoyed ‘coz he is a happy thought. I could even fly high. I wonder if he remembers me at all, and if he does, what would it be. But most people, unlike me, naturally forgets events, so ‘’happy remembering’’ to me! I hope Dwin is feeling good today ‘coz he is making me another good Sunday ^__^. Alright, dizzy Daisy, back to your readings! ^__^.

Home For A Second

February 11, 2014. Tuesday. 9.46 A.M. Off work this morning to see my sister and do more of my report. My sister is having a 3-day city tour, from the south all the way up here to the north, organized by the university. It’s her 3^rd year in college. Anyway, it’s always a blessing I stay in this monumental walled city within the big city. I love this place aside from the sometimes-irritating cracks on the walls at the hallway of this house where insects hide and which the landlady ignored LOL Moving on, my sister and 46 others are flying back home tomorrow morning and I am glad I got to see her even for a second. This place, being historical, just can’t be off the list, so as they stop by here, I went to give my sister a mini-treasure-bag to dig out during her last day of trip. I filled it with teeny-weeny cups of fruity yogurts, fun packs of salted and paprika pumpkin seeds, cereal bars in different flavour, a bottle of pocari sweat, and vitamins (she forgot to bring one). I’ve been checking her out since Sunday coz it’s her first long educational/fun tour away from home. And though she is having a blast, the tour is getting her. Poor little sister, tired and hungry – feeling exhausted, with their tight itinerary. They leave early from the hotel and return around 11PM each night. When she saw me approaching earlier, she was half running towards me, with all smiles and arms open wide ready to hug me. I just love her and she is as delighted as me to see each other. I knew, for a second she felt an enormous relief and I am as always happy to be there. And quickly, I told her to go with the group and just enjoy. Have fun little sis! I’ll see you more in two months! ^__^.

Chances: Its Reasons

February 8, 2014. Saturday. 11:13 P.M. Classes were dismissed early like the first days in the previous terms. But unlike those terms, I hanged around with Marlon in the campus. He was my classmate/groupmate last term and been visible in my sight since then. He constantly flirted me but in a subtle way. Today, I gave him a chance to stay close outside the classroom. There were some complications with class schedules so we went to sort it out, then to have lunch and to secure materials for our presentation next meeting, just us two. At the end of the day, he has to return to his original schedule for Business Policy (weeknight) and I will be presenting alone by next meeting then. I can handle the presentation alone but just when I decided to give him a chance and exerted effort into it, there is some cosmic interference. Alright Marlon, that's just it - I'm sorry. He is 1 term ahead of me and I specifically enrolled that subject(supposedly for the next term) so we will be classmates again but then again, I'm sorry. Chances has its reasons. We are better off as friends/professionals/networks.

We talked anything under the sun today and at some points my friends/classmates called him ‘’boyfriend’’, like ‘’hey daisy, your boyfriend came in looking for you.’’ I thought that sounds… charming hahaha LOL Well we talked about lovelife too and I learned he likes someone at work but feels insecure about himself. After two years of hanging out with her, she resigned at work and unfriended him since then (last year). He left her hanging, she said. When he said he loves her, it was too late to recover at that moment ‘coz by then she turned him down. During their friendship he was still trying to move on from his past relationship and he was uncertain being into one again. He admitted being a fool to let his past got into his present. Now he is unsure if he can restore the connection they had. But I told him, if he really wants to win her back, then do something before it’s really too late. Based on current facts he told me, I believe he still has a chance so I gave him some advices on how to win her back from a woman’s point of view.

 

Its funny ‘coz I also learned today that he is 31. My ex, Steve and Dwin, too. I wonder what is with 31 hahaha They are all turning 32 this year anyway. Nuts!!! Well my ex is a risktaker type and hormonal (lol).  I can always predict he wont hold on to his words ‘coz he constantly changes his mind. Steve is a conservative type. He is mature and expressive kind of guy. I could just simply adore him. Dwin, I believe is a bit of both. He is protective but can be really stubborn. Marlon admitted he is still a bit heartbroken from his past 1-year relationship three years ago and I was surprised. I guess it really is true that men couldn’t move on as fast as women do. Well, in general, and maybe because my past relationship was just totally different? Because I got brokenhearted a few times during it and somehow moving on from it became a habit?LOL I admit, at the very end, I still got really broken.

 

Anyway, again, chances has its reasons. When you have done your part and chances wont let it happen, then it is either the timing is not right or things are just not meant to happen. Learn from it instead ‘coz I am sure at some point/s in between, you’ve missed something. It makes me wonder what Dwin thought of me. I am curious ‘coz I have not asked him. But I know myself better than anyone else anyway. A part of me still hopes that Dwin would come up to me and ask me out again one of these days hahaha I am so silly!!!  You see, blogger, women are the relationship standards. All we can do is hint or tell men we like them and if they don’t like us back, well… its over. A man who likes a woman pursues her and not the other way around. Men are pursuer by nature so let their instinct do the job. And besides, I don’t play around as a woman so if I like someone I would make sure I am sending a signal he is safe to butt in.

 

‘’Alright, Daisy, get back to your books, you lazyhead!’’LOL Aye, Aye! ^__^.

Worst Drug (poem)

For a second I’m critically helpless
I was certain it was your face

My lungs suddenly grasp my heart

I couldn’t just breathe.

When I recovered I turned wicked

My veins are like venomous serpents

They spare my body to strike their target

And I’m chanting a spell like a crazy bitch.

The idea makes me disgust myself

So I gaze around at everyone’s faces

One time I saw your familiar eyebrow

The other was your sky-bright smile.

Ah! You are such a greedy leech

Sucking my thoughts to your guts

Leaving me nothing but a lovely mark

Now, I’m hunger for your next slimy touch.

A sigh as I rest my chin on my palm

Hoping to stop myself from hallucinating

Gosh, you are the worst drug ever formulated

And I’m terrified with your side effects.

 

~ Dizzy ~

 

Seventh Heaven

 

I am glad to spend quality time with friends, my bigbro and his wife, and Remy, especially. My bigbro and his wife are going back to our hometown this year, for good. Remy is leaving so I'm gonna miss going with her on trips but it's totally fine. Soon, we will still be able to hangout together. I always love moments like these coz they are precious. They can never be bought. 'Til next time Ladies!!! Oh and Bigbro too!!! ^__^.

Unusual Day

February 2, 2014. Sunday. 7:30 P.M. Somewhere in Robinsons. Gym-check! Then thought to hangout here in my favourite spot to read and write. The last time I was here was for my birthday. It was Christmas all over and today it Chinese new year. I like it ‘coz I like celebrating ‘’whatever’’ in my own little and simple way. Now, I am having Buko fruit salad shake for this unusual day. ^__^.

 

It has been two months since I started going to the gym and for the first time I totally missed to bring my workout bra. I must have placed it on my bed and forgot to pick it up. Well, I ended up using my casual one which is now soaked in sweat and I couldn’t just wear it. I haven’t been out in the public without bra since I was in first year high school! In this country, it’s unusual for a woman to be walking around with their breasts almost bear. So I’m wearing an extra confidence instead. And for the first time, at this very moment, I am glad mine are not that big! Hahaha Well, if anyone notices (someone already did), at least I don’t fidget.

 

It’s rare for anyone to try approach me because I look serious, if not snobbish, when I don’t smile. That is what everyone says. So only those who know me have the guts to interrupt my peacefulness. And those who are not intimidated by my looks. Today, at the gym, someone approached me for the first time. She is Linda, a 40-year old new member, who is quite talkative but I didn’t find her personality to be irritating. She was making friends with me so we chatted while waiting for the next group exercise, Zumba. She is married and has three grown up kids, 2 boys and 1 girl. And the conversation, like any other, never missed the ‘’lovelife’’ part, so it goes something like this…

 

 

Linda: And you? Are you married?

 

Me: No. Not yet, at least.

 

Linda: Well, a lovely lady like you I’m sure you have a boyfriend.

 

Me: Well, yes and I broke up with him. I saw no future. I was the man in the relationship. I HAD to be the man. LOL

 

Linda: Good decision. Any suitor?

 

Me: Nope. Men upon seeing me, often if not always, assume I have a boyfriend who is crazy to let me go. So no one dares. I haven’t meet the one who is brave enough to man himself to me. LOL

 

Linda: (Laughing) He’ll come at the right time. I think you are wise but when you are in a relationship, just remember, to never stop looking after yourself ‘coz some men will forget your worth later. So stand your ground.

 

Me: Thanks. I will remember that. I’d rather be alone if I feel worthless anyway.

 

 

Then she talked about her relationships, past and present. Her story is quite something and I like the fact that she is sharing them. I really appreciate people who I meet in the highway of my life. They always have something to bring, no matter how small it may seem. Some stay. Some are passing by. They either taught my mind or touched my heart. I hope I have imparted something for them too. Something that is good to remember about.

 

Now, I’m cold and in need of a bra haha The shake is not helping my situation LOL Well, ‘til next unusual day, blogger! ^__^.

 

Holding Hands (poem)

Hand in hand amidst the crowd

I feel like walking on the clouds

With our hearts beating in harmony

Our fingers tangle gracefully.

Your palm perfectly fitted mine

Specially moulded just for me and you

You know, it feels so natural and grand

When we are holding hands.

 

It giggles my heart when we are close

Sitting side by side or nose to nose

Your gentle squeezes make me warm

And pulling me closer is my favourite part

When you poke my underarm

You have this silly yet captivating smile

And guess what, our arms are bestfriends

When we are holding hands.

 

I admire it whenever we separate

You then reach out and hold my hand

I couldn’t feel alone or abandoned

With this sweet subtle connection.

I wouldn’t want this moment to end

You and me and our palms kissing

Every minute is priceless, hon

When we are holding hands!

 

~ Dizzy ~

Inspired by her date ^__^,  Just in time for valentine ^__^.

 

 

 

 

Brace Up

February 1, 2014. Saturday. 12:40 P.M. A holiday yesterday. Classes are cancelled today. Seriously? Just when I’m ready to kick some butts! When I got to school this morning and learned classes will officially start next Saturday, I just stayed there in the classroom til noon, alone, while a few of my classmates came and left. I busied myself going through the company’s financial statements again and again, internalizing each account. On Monday, turnover will start. I need to brace myself. Tomorrow is my last day to lay-low. I don’t have plans yet ‘coz I was expecting to get started when class requirements are supposedly given today. I’ll probably stick my head on the bookkeeping book which I have been sleeping with these past few days. It was in preparation for possible job interviews but it looks like I’m gonna be stuck in the same company for a while longer. I think this is meant to happen coz despite a very short notice, I got the position. I feel good about this idea. And I want to hold the accounts too coz I might pursue CMA (Certified Management Accountant) later, in favour to my bachelor’s degree. They have specific work experience requirements for that and I am eager to have them!

 

Walking back home earlier, every step says the same phrase, ‘’This is it!’’, ‘’This is it!’’, ‘’This is it!’’. It is stuck in my head and I like it. For now, I want to finish a couple of poems I drafted last week. I got too busy and I’m glad to have ample time today ‘til tomorrow to chillax. Must make the most out of it. Then, roll up the sleeves… *drumroll*… and let’s get it on!!! Ops, gym, gym, gym too, to restrain the stress hormones! Haha ^__^