Shock Absorber

March 1, 2014. Saturday. 5 P.M. At the library, disappointed from my last class’ early dismissal. The professor left us something to do though but… well, I think I want more thorough diversion from work pressure and other things that had come up. Work pressure is reasonably challenging as I expected and my brain has been working triple time! I couldn’t believe that each time I am home late from work, I would fall on my bed and pass out. On some nights, I had hard time to calm down my nerves and I couldn’t sleep despite tiredness. This morning, before my classes started, my mother called me about my younger brother’s pregnant ex-gf who is in the hospital and she asked me to check on her. As much as I want to get involved and clean up anyone’s mess, I just hate the fact that it’s my brother’s dirty mess. I just hate him for being a total jerk and it breaks my heart how I feel for him. How irresponsible of him, leaving a pregnant woman behind and I am supposed to embrace that?! Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. I just don’t have the heart to do anything for it. I don’t want to be part of it. Will that turn me into a bitch? Ahh, help! I need an advice. I want to hear anyone babble about whatever nonsense, at least. All I want to do right now, is put down everything and sleep. Sigh. I despise people who can’t help what they have done and expect someone else would stand up for them to fix their crap. I find it terribly hard to be strong when I have to play as a shock absorber with their irresponsibility. It makes me wonder, if I would ever screw up, who will be there for me? Oh God, please, I beg, not to ever leave my side.