Dating 102(?)

February 22, 2014. Saturday. 8.25 P.M. These past days have been mentally and physically challenging and exciting from joggling work turnovers, overtimes, class presentation preparation and gym workout. Pheow! Now, I just took a short nap, still bothered with this little headache. It’s too hot today when I went out with friends at school. Well, regardless my headache, I feel great about today çoz I had my presentation presented really well this morning in the class. After hanging out with friends, I had a heart-to-heart talk with Clarence. We are at the same age. I just felt I had to talk to him and gladly it turned out okay. I have mentioned him previously in my post early last year when I started my MBA but never thought it will come to this. He said, he is serious about courting me but I sensed desperation. It all started from our first ever MBA class. He would throw me corny jokes and I would buy them all but sometimes I pretend I don’t to make him frown, then I would laugh. A typical Daisy towards someone I am not irritated with. He is approachable and willing to help when anyone in the class is confused about the subject matter. Sometimes he would sit beside me and make jokes. He is not at all my type of guy and I am fairly specific if I like a guy or not. I can hardly develop attraction ones I said to myself ''no not that one'', and he belongs to that category. So I would just go along with the moment, knowing he likes me and wont dare ask me out çoz I see ''fear of rejection'' in his eyes, which I am relieved coz I don't want to hurt a friend. I was sure I would turn him down and I still am. So we talk and talk corniness most often then, which I find hilarious, if not simply funny. It has been that way from then on. Today, I said I’ll give him a shot with a doubt that I would ever see him more than a friend. But giving a benefit of a doubt and giving him a chance to prove himself with his intention, I gave him a go-signal. On Thursday, we will hangout after my work and he said he has something for me for Valentine’s Day if only I have given him a chance to see him then. I was touched with his sincerity and I said sorry I thought it was just another corny joke when he invited me out for Valentine’s Day. Anyway, we talked about anything for about 2 hours this afternoon, after leaving our other friends with their drinking session. I allowed him to touch my hand, even hold it for a while but honestly, it felt so weird. Maybe because I just have no physical attraction to him. Clarence is I supposed charming but not enough to give me butterflies or something. Dwin was way more charming, like in a lot of ways. I really love his smile and his cheerful nature, but the last time we talked he had so much baggage to unload. I have been there but he will surely regain himself in time. I believe he will. Dwin came and went like a blowing wind, saving me from getting too attached and well, from pains. Clarence, on the other hand, I think wont last long. I like the way he looks at me, but I cant return him that. But again, I will give him a chance to express his feelings to me, at least for a while. I will be compassionate to him, otherwise, I would be harsh. I want to plant some ideas in his senses too çoz it looks like he has so much to learn about being in a relationship.

Looking deep into my heart, I’m ready for long conversations so I can emotionally manage this. This Clarence-thing doesn't bear special to me çoz this is more like for his benefit. I want to be generous by showing him some compassion. I have lots of them haha! I also see it as my way of returning favor to someone who does not pissed me off, yet. LOL Anyway, I have to be careful I wont hurt myself in this process. I promise I wont be writing ‘’quit dating 102’’ after this. Hell, No!!! Fingers crossed! Blogger, please keep me reminded! I know you will ^__^.