August 9,
2012. Friday. 8:50 P.M. I’m staring at my desktop, with presentations to
prepare. But my mind is persistently wandering in the outer space. My focus is
lost and I can’t help it. I had been trying to do them today but I just
couldn’t. Here I am now trying to compose my thoughts. I feel really sad and I
don’t know exactly what I must to do. Sigh. Sigh. I don’t even know what to
write here. Lately, I’m getting inclined to system software design, working
closely with the two IT guys. I always love it when I’m involved with anything
to do with software. I am even considering to take any software study when I’m
done with my MBA. To me, spending two years in school now is the best way to
waste away time rather than sitting around after work or doing something
irrelevant. Also, it’s my way of finding myself, hoping to have clearer
direction in a long term form. I’m buying some time!
Right after I
talked to my ex a couple of days ago, I deleted him in my viber contact list but
if he’s going to message me again, I’ll keep it so I won’t be closing lines to
anyone no matter how bad the chances had turned out with them. I want to learn better on how to effectively
set boundaries. The same thing with Steve, I have to keep my boundaries and
keep everything as professional as possible. We are on the same page about that
and though it somehow disappointed me, I just have to carry on with it. He can
be a very good friend.
I strongly
desire for the sense of being loved ‘coz I haven’t felt enough of it from
someone special. I am a giver but a loving return is something I cannot demand.
It has to be wholeheartedly given by the doer. I thought it’s always automatic,
that when you love at your best, you’d be loved back just about the same. A
good karma, a fair turnover – that is, but then it’s not always the case and
loving can be the most weary thing to do. Next time, I’ll follow my instinct and
for now I’ll just keep wishing that one day I will eventually meet my true
complement. You know what blogger… Life is sometimes too good to be alone and
sometimes it’s too bad to be alone. Thanks for being my confidant. :)
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