Breathe (poem)

I hurt myself today from these sad memories

Lurking in my head, waiting for my weak moment

Now, what I can do, I’m letting them do their work

Go on, enjoy the feast while I’m lonely and blue

 

This state of depression is settling in

It’s stripping me bare I’m exposed to dangers

The generosity of loneliness is screwing me up

Sometimes it’s hard to get by with just my smile

 

C’mon, it’s time for a serious intervention

Enough of these disheartening thoughts

Life is full of uncertainties

So, just breathe instead!

 

~ Dizzy ~

 

The Feel Of It

September 21, 2013. Saturday. 1:30 A.M. When I wake up in about 6-7 hours, I’d be going to school for next trimester’s registration, then back to classes next Saturday. Yes, I am serious… it is indeed a marathon! I’m glad my work is going my way. I mean, I had been working my ass hard (sorry with the foul word) with the system programmers to simplify work process, so I deserve enough space to breath. It’s safe now to assume, I’d be going home on time from now on. With full time work plus full time study, I’m aiming not to lose my senses haha

 

Last Monday, I left work ahead of time to stand as one of the panels for the last group’s research oral defense. It went fine and I think I had served my purpose. As the second trimester is ending, I can’t help to take long breaths, this time they are pleasant. I have learned tremendously although at some points I experienced this so – called ‘’information overload’’. In many ways, it harnessed me. My job now is to apply these learnings. When New Year comes, I’ll start applying for a new job. My MBA won’t make sense if I’ll stay with my current job which does not really offer any option other than leave. Besides I no longer have any reason to stop at any point for considering anyone or anything. I learned my lesson on that too.

 

Moving on, I had been thinking of reducing one subject for next trimester but I ended up with a decision to take the same amount of units. I know I will probably be strangled with the same level of stress or even more, all the way to the end of this year, but it will damn please me when I get through it all. I believe I could make it. What can I do, I feel challenged! I enjoy the feel of it I guess Haha Well, I’m crossing my fingers, I think I’m gonna need it. Could you do the same for me, bloggers? ^__^.

Luxury Dream (poem)

The sun comes up smiling for me

as a beautiful harmony plays.

This happens all the time lately and baby,

it’s because I am happy.

On your first hello,

I just knew I’d fall for you and I won’t be blue.

Now, my heart beats in perfect rhyme,

it feels so cozy within your arms.

It’s surprising how you make me feel,

you’re my power booster to do just anything.

Sometimes I feel living a luxury dream,

with nothing in this world that is burden.

 

~ Dizzy ~

Leave Me (poem)

Here I am, yes it’s me

So sick and tired of my own whines

Now leave, leave me, and never come back

You can’t bring me down, I can’t let you to

Grrrr GO! Away from me, will you!

 

Yes I am strong and no one can argue

To hear this beast-like beating of my heart

To feel this fire burning deep inside

To have this kind of faith in myself

You can't stop me to reach my every goal!

 

~ Dizzy ~

Wake Up!

September 11, 2013. Wednesday. 10:40 P. M. The day is changing in about an hour and I still don’t have the will to read my books. I have one more final exam on Saturday and I seem to not care it would turn out. This trimester really got into my nerves!

 

My week started bored. Although it’s not really boring bored but I just feel bored and lazy, or maybe I am tired that’s why I feel lazy. My two worlds which are work and study are overlapping and I seem to be losing control over that. It’s irritating me coz it’s affecting my focus. They are both huge chunks of my priorities and with them mixing together, it’s a big ‘’Ahh!’’. I want to quit too much analyzing for a week but I can’t do it. It’s not that I can’t, I just don’t want to. Oh Daisy, this is bad, really bad, you have to start taking action now… like right now… at this very moment.

 

Emmm… my eyes are again falling… I need them wide awake! Why I am letting these into my nerves in the first place? It’s kinda not me!!! ‘’Daisy, wake up, wake up!’’ LOL

Friendship (poem)

To: Steve

 

People come into my life, some stay and some leave

Some deserve my attention and some just don’t

Some have hearts of gold and some are rude

And you, my dear, is simply wonderful.

 

When you’re around, it’s hard to control myself

I must admit, sometimes my desire for you is burning

You make me feel warm and great like no one else

I want you to know, I am grateful to ever meet you

 

I want to carry you around in my pocket if I can

To be my best buddy wherever my life takes me

Sometimes I thought you are too good to be true

But when I try to evaluate you, the more I admire you

 

We may never meet in person nor have a future together

But may this kind of friendship we have will last

Through time and distance we may never part

‘Coz otherwise, my Stevie, I’d have to hunt you down! ;)

~ Dizzy ~

Final Overload

September 8, 2013. Sunday. 10.30 P.M. It’s been so long since I last wrote a poem. This time, I wrote it for Steve. I didn’t go out today and I declared a lazy day which means slowing down everything and sleeping as many hours as it pleases me plus naps. It’s the worst job ever! Haha Well, I did some house cleaning, I washed some clothes too and I wrote a poem. Strictly no studying, although I was sorting some study papers when I woke up this morning. I just finished the poem so now it’s time for some updates here.

 

So yesterday, I had my final exam for financial management 1 and it went okay. I have not studied but I think I passed- just passed! Haha It’s awful to take exams based on stock knowledge coz it always takes a while to answer! Then, I had my presentation for production and operation management 1 and it went fine. When I was done, my professor just asked me one question which I was not able to answer. I had not anticipated that. I made some points based on my hunches but I have nothing for back up so he said, ‘’alright class, that question will come up in the final exam on Saturday’’. Hahaha Very cool, he declared question! The goal now is to find answer to that question so I get a sure 20 points and regain my pride from not being able to answer it right in front of the class. Then, I passed 3 different papers as final requirements yesterday. The case study analysis was frustrating though. I can’t push my brain to work harder when it’s already drained. I hope I won’t fail the research subject even if I sucked up at the beginning with my presentation. With 2 weak spots, I have to do an excellent job in the oral defense this Saturday. My God, please don’t make me repeat that subject, please. I’m kinda worried about those weak spots. I’m really considering to reduce number of units to get next trimester so I won’t be too exhausted. I cannot, by all means, compromise my time at work, otherwise I won’t be able to pay my tuition haha I have to curse…. Shit!! Hahaha Now, I better sleep. G’night blogger! ^__^.

Passing by The City of Dreams

Strolling Around Hong Kong

On our first day, the moment we landed at the Hong Kong Airport, we purchased our ''octopus card'' at  HK$ 150/ person, wherein the HK $50 is for security deposit, leaving 100 as useable credits for the trains, ferry, and busses. The cards can be easily reloaded at any stations, so it's pretty handy to have. They return the deposit upon surrender of the card plus the unused credits if u choose to, minus refund charge of $9. Then we went to ''The Peak'', the highest point in Hong Kong and to Madame Tussauds - A walk with the Stars. We took the bus from the finance bus stop to The peak for 50 minutes and took the ''The Peak Tram'' on our return for 15 minutes. I know the travel difference is quite huge but it's great to experience both. The view was spectacular!

 

 

On our second day, we went to Ngong Ping and Disneyland. The cable car ride was overwhelming. The wind was strong and whistling that day and the ride was longer than regular days coz it had to pause twice above hills. It was amazing though heart pounding each time the cable swings! Haha When we reach to the Ngong Ping Village after 8 cable car towers, we were amazed. It could have been more amazing it wasn't foggy but we still enjoyed that must-see place! Then we took the cable car again for the return and off we headed to Disneyland where we spent most of our time 'til 6PM.

 

 

 On our third day in Hong Kong, we strolled around to check out the nearby public parks, to buy ferry tickets to Macau for the next day and to shop for souvenirs we see and like. We also went to the temple market to feed our curiosity and got home at 7 P.M. I and the 2 girls left the couple and headed out for a night shopping nearby for about an hour. We bought a few branded clothes for ourselves in a lesser prices. it's actually very fun to shop around there but we didn't have much time and our feet already hurt. We also have a trip to Macau at 7:30 in the morning, which we were so damn lucky çoz the sits were running out when we went to get them.

 

 

Above is some of our memorabilia. We did enjoy our stay in Hong Kong especially coz it was easy to get around. We thought of going back there for shopping hahaha *High Five guys, for another wonderful trip with you! 'Til the next one!*

Stress Relief

September 1, 2013. 11:30 A.M. I hope this date will freeze for a while. I still have many things to do for the finals and it means longer time. I cannot compromise my time at work coz I already took two half days off this week and I cannot do that again next week. I hate backlogs! I know I should have been doing it now rather than blogging but I need a moment to whine a bit to clear my head.

 

Last night, we extended time for our research class’ group 1 and 2 oral defense. The class was dismissed at 7:30, but my group’s defense will be next Saturday so I and 4 others brainstormed ‘til 9 PM. When I got home I just dropped dead on my bed til 8 this morning and still felt exhausted.

 

I woke up from an intense dream. I was like in the middle of a jungle, screaming and fighting for my life against a river monster. The huge and ugly looking creature was fish-like with large sharp teeth and fins and it was trying to tear me into pieces for its meal! I got scratches from fighting it. I got thrown and nearly drown from the raging river, which was a kilometer long and I couldn’t count how many times I had been chased down and up that river. In the other part of my dream was Steve, driving his car, sensed that I needed him. I didn’t how he did it but he drove to where I was and found me just when I finished slaughtering that creature. I looked messed up and weak but I was pretty much alive. When I saw him approaching I felt safer. I couldn’t afford to fight another creature so I just fell in his arms and he took me home.

 

I may have slept many hours but I still felt tired the moment I woke up. I’m just glad that he appeared in my dream giving me some kind of comfort. I value my dreams a lot coz they represents my unconscious mind and deeper part of my emotion. However I feel and whatever I experience in my waking hours affects them. I know I am mentally and emotionally stressed out and that I can see from the raging river plus that disgusting creature. Jeez, I’m glad I’ve defeated it. The hell, I’d let it eat me for its meal!

 

Oh, Steve sent me a record of him singing with his guitar last Friday morning and I just found it today. Alright, alright, I admit it, I love it! ^__^ Busted! I know I am easy to please but he strummed his guitar and sang a country song for me! He picked the one I like! How adorable that is! No one had done that for me before. Now I’m smitten by my friend! Haha the feeling eases my pressures and it’s just what I need right now! Thanks my dear Stevie *kisses for you!* ^__^.

Work Hard, Have Fun

August 26, 2013. 11:10 P.M. Monday. My feet no longer feel any soreness from too much walking during the trip and I am imagining the relief my trip buddies are feeling right now. The trip went great, leaving us satisfied and happy with many adventure memories to recall in our heads! I am cropping some of our photos now for better angles. And I couldn’t help but giggle watching the videos I took ^__^.

 

I am glad, it’s a non-working holiday today, so we didn’t have to take a leave from work to recover our energies. Tomorrow is the start of my battle, with work and school. This week and next are my busiest weeks at work and I have 3 Saturdays left in school. My group written research to submit this Friday and oral defense next week. Two presentations this coming Saturday, still polishing the second one together with my case study analysis I am still working on and to be submitted by then. Pheow! I am glad I don’t feel lazy but quite determined to get them done, and although it will probably be brain-drained me all the way to the final exam, I am hopeful I could nail them all! Daisy, be in control!

 

‘’Dear my guardian angels, thank you for the safe and fun-filled trip I had with my friends. The memories will always be treasured. Thanks! ^__^.’’

Weather Update

August 21, 2013. 1:30 A.M. Wednesday. Two of my friends are flying at 7:55 A.M. and I am so relieved the rain had stopped. The weather has been going nuts since Sunday due a typhoon enhancing the monsoon rain. It stopped about 6 hours ago and I am still prayerful it won’t go nuts again. My flight will be tomorrow, the same time, with 2 other friends. The typhoon will be out of the Philippines in the afternoon but I hope it won’t trouble Hong Kong so then we will get to enjoy our stay there better.

 

It has been the weather that kept on monitoring since Sunday. School and work had been suspended due to flooding and stuffs resulted from the bad weather but I never got a chance to finish my requirements. I had to be monitoring the weather update and I couldn’t get it off my head. It occupied me over a hundred percent. I’m glad everyone I love and care about are all safe and sound. it makes me feel okay myself.

 

‘’Dear my guardian angels, who never leave my side, as I ones again intend to stretch my horizon away from my safety zone, please always watch over me. I pray for a smooth, safe and fun-filled trip with my friends. Thank you dear angels!’’

Setting Aside Paranoia

August 18, 2013. 2.30 A.M. Sunday. This is often the scenario each time I am home from school- I am still awake 2-4 hours after midnight. Most Saturdays, I feel extra determined but extra exhausted too that the moment I get home, I would collapse on my bed for an hour or 2, then… I’m wide awake for hours! Now I am still very awake but yes I know I must sleep very soon, like real soon, not later than 3 A.M.

 

My presentation did not push through. The batch of 3 presentors needed extra time so I couldn’t fill in the last 30 minutes. As prepared as I was, I still felt relieved. Back to my original spot, there’s a batch of 4 presentors next meeting, before me. I have a feeling they will eat up the whole 3.5 hours then.

 

Now, I can put my paranoia aside and focus on my 2 final requirements, which deadlines are on the 31^st. I want to finish them before I leave for my trip on Thursday. I hope I won’t be too busy at work but that I doubt. *Pheow!* I’ll do my best so I won’t be thinking of requirements during my trip and hopefully the typhoons will stay away from my radar then. Please typhoons, hear me out ^__^.

Paranoia

August 16, 2013. 12.20 A.M. Thursday. I think I have paranoia for days now and I couldn’t seem to help it. This Saturday, I MUST be able to do my presentation for production and operation management. It is worth 25% of my final grade for this trimester and it’s the surest way to get higher grades than exams or quizzes or something. There are 3 presentors who have to be finished first before me coz their topics are interrelated with each other. I hope they’ll finish really quick or I’d be damned! Saturdays are unpredictable. On the next Saturday I will be absent coz I have Hong Kong and Macao trip for 4 days. I don’t want to miss that either. I’ve been looking forward for this one coz I and my friends booked it before I even enrolled myself to mba! But then I don’t want to put this program in jeopardy by getting low grades from missing my presentation. Now I can’t even put my trip excitement in the line. My mind will wear down until this Saturday is over. Oh my God, please let me have both, please….

 

My presentation is ready, both written and visual reports. I just need 30 minutes this Saturday. I have sorted out the trip itinerary with Remy yesterday and today, then I’ll pack up on Sunday before I’ll be back to work on Monday. I feel helpless, getting caught in between. I hate this paranoia but I am hopeful my prayers will be heard. Crossing fingers!

Too Good, Too Bad

August 9, 2012. Friday. 8:50 P.M. I’m staring at my desktop, with presentations to prepare. But my mind is persistently wandering in the outer space. My focus is lost and I can’t help it. I had been trying to do them today but I just couldn’t. Here I am now trying to compose my thoughts. I feel really sad and I don’t know exactly what I must to do. Sigh. Sigh. I don’t even know what to write here. Lately, I’m getting inclined to system software design, working closely with the two IT guys. I always love it when I’m involved with anything to do with software. I am even considering to take any software study when I’m done with my MBA. To me, spending two years in school now is the best way to waste away time rather than sitting around after work or doing something irrelevant. Also, it’s my way of finding myself, hoping to have clearer direction in a long term form. I’m buying some time!

 

Right after I talked to my ex a couple of days ago, I deleted him in my viber contact list but if he’s going to message me again, I’ll keep it so I won’t be closing lines to anyone no matter how bad the chances had turned out with them.  I want to learn better on how to effectively set boundaries. The same thing with Steve, I have to keep my boundaries and keep everything as professional as possible. We are on the same page about that and though it somehow disappointed me, I just have to carry on with it. He can be a very good friend.

 

I strongly desire for the sense of being loved ‘coz I haven’t felt enough of it from someone special. I am a giver but a loving return is something I cannot demand. It has to be wholeheartedly given by the doer. I thought it’s always automatic, that when you love at your best, you’d be loved back just about the same. A good karma, a fair turnover – that is, but then it’s not always the case and loving can be the most weary thing to do. Next time, I’ll follow my instinct and for now I’ll just keep wishing that one day I will eventually meet my true complement. You know what blogger… Life is sometimes too good to be alone and sometimes it’s too bad to be alone. Thanks for being my confidant. :)

Stupidity

August 6, 3013. Tuesday. 11.38 P.M. I barely had enough sleep these past days and I am very tired. Now, I am very upset and I can’t sleep. I’m very upset at myself as I reaped what I sow.

 

Last week I was testing waters, by emailing my ex for the online library and sending him message through viber. I know I deleted his number but it came up in the sync list when I downloaded that application on my phone. Well tonight we got to exchange more messages and though it went fine…. I feel like crashing someone’s head right now! I really hate people who doesn’t take the initiative. See, he has viber yet never suggested to me to use the application since he’s using it. We could have called each other more often and for free, than chatting and webcam only all the time. Well, why would I be surprised! Jeez, how I hate talking to anyone who had stabbed me in the back, worst is… not only ones that he did! I endured and accepted the consequences… I was willing to live with. I was freaking serious! I have forgiven him but I never forget everything. Every good memory of us, if there is any, is stained. I no longer desire even the slightest of his being, even his simple ‘’hello’’. He was never gentle with the wounds he caused me. He never was and if he ever was, he wasn’t doing it by heart. From the love shared, eternal stubbornness and differences, busted lies (‘coz I had been talking with his sister!) and choices made, this stupidity has to end!