Tonight I sort of try to reconnect to online people through chat rooms, to see if I have managed myself. It is frustrating there to ever find a sound and sane person i know, but I tried anyway. Well then, I came across to this man almost twice my age who was not that bad. I was able to talk to him about anything and just say any good and bad remarks. I think though I was a bit like a mean bitch when I got irritated as we talked.
The thing is I restraint myself from speaking when im annoyed and upset so I never get to express much how I feel like maybe in a proper way, otherwise I'm just silent. So to cut the story short, this man I practiced myself to, was trying to have fun a little in between the conversation but I just got easily upset and became too serious I'd say. So he told me, I am rude a few times and I have a bighead, that he can't waste more of his time talking to me coz he has had enough of my rudeness. I thought that was funny coz that was sort of my aim to make him upset in a way. But hey, someone has turned back on me!
I felt insulted and really upset to this man though I know I caused it. For a second, it made me think, maybe I was rude, or maybe I have grown rude, but I would barely talk when im annoyed. But anyway I was so upset, so to confirm, quickly I messaged my ex and asked him if im rude. He replied saying he doesnt think im rude. As soon as I saw he replied, my tears just started running down my cheeks. The thought that he cared to reply made me cry. I hate is when I am at the rage of my emotion and someone cares to be there or listens to me - makes me cry my eyes out.
Thats the reason why I havent told Remy about my break up coz I know she cares how I feel so much that it will break my heart to see her having to look after the broken me. ''Sistah, when you get to read this, I'm sorry that I denied you of the chance to show how much you care for me and the moment you read this, I am already better. I just want to pull this shit out myself as much as I can, alone, without troubling you. I know you are always there. You are always this very caring soul to anyone you love and that includes me and I thank you.''
Lately, I have not been feeling too well. I'm too emotional and very sensitive towards everything, as I can observe myself. Even when Im laughing at something funny, I get teary and tears start falling. It is like I have an overflowing reservoir behind my eye balls.
Oh blogger, you are quite a help to shake out my thoughts!
Shake it out, yeah!
Good Night Blogger =)
No comments:
Post a Comment