Life-Long Dream

~ Dizzy ~

My emotion fluctuates and I am very upset.
I want to scream so loud and empty my lungs.
I want to beat someone, perhaps to death.
Or smash anything my eyes can see.

I am upset at everything right now.
I hate him but I hate more myself.
I had all the choices right in my hands.
And I let things come to this is just one.

He was so special and dear to me and still is.
I still love him but I have reached the edge.
An edge he wont even try go and hold my hand.
He is not that kind of man I can really rely myself upon.

I want to march right to him.and look him straight right in his eyes.
Tell him ''You are an unreliable son of a bitch!
Even your love alone I cant be proud of.
I dont like you anymore. I'm tired loving you.''

At times, out of the blue I want to tell him that.
But then I stop myself and say, ''he doesn't care so why bother''.
Yes I am upset, but I wont lost myself over things I dont have.
Or run around like Dennis Rodman and headbutt anyone.

He could be first in my hitlist, my target to be shot in the head.
''You hurt me, I'll bring you down'', but that wont pleasure me.
''Too quick is not fun unlike taking your parts one by one.
Well, I'll spare your life coz Im too worn out to move my gun..''

To say even a word to him I no longer think he deserves.
Why whine if again, for nothing and another turning of back.
Im not coward, Im just sick and tired.
Im not a saint, not either superwoman.

Really, everything was like a life-long dream.
Like Sleeping Beauty, who slept a hundred years.
The only thing is, she woke up and met her prince.
And me, I woke up and lost him.