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| Don't let anyone ever dull your sparkle. Sometimes you don't give someone a reason to dislike you; they just do it out of pure insecurities. Some people are just sitting and waiting for you to fail, make sure you disappoint them every chance you get. People only rain on your parade, because they're jealous of your sun and tired of their shade. |
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Sparkle
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
World War II
Alright, unbelievably, we came in a huge group. It just happened that everyone wanted to come too. So we were all 21 together for a day tour to an island of corrigedor, fully marked with world war II history.
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| In a cruise ship, we were all set to sail away for an hour and 15 minutes. |
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| That was all us right there. The 21st is the volunteer to take the photo. LOL |
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| Sir Sigmund said ''Alright, that's fantastic! I meant the canyon". LOL |
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| And one more for the 2 guys who were actually enjoying themselves under the heat of the sun :-D |
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| Our tour guide, the lady in blue, did not get away from us. C'mon, more smiles!^__^ |
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| That's not me up there, riding the huge thing LOL |
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| The ruins behind is the 2nd longest barracks in the world in 1915. |
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| My favorite stuffs in the museum. ''Shut up or I change my mind and blow your head off!!'' Just kidding. :-P |
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| Taken from the only ruin we could actually walk into, and only til the ground floor. |
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| In honor for our fallen soldiers, '' We shall not forget''. |
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| One of the ruins. |
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| A tunnel through a hill, The only place safe in the island during world war 2. |
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| It felt like I had a dream - being in a really nice place and then its over so quick. That is the back side of day tours LOL. BUT, it was such a great day to be there and I wish to go back to that island for an overnight stay. The beach is really great and I want to do hiking too. There are monkeys all over but they are safe so it should be a lot of fun they are a plus to the sight! Im gonna come back to you soon corrigedor island! |
WISHING FOR MORE SAFE AND FUN TRIPS TO COME!!!
Stolen Moments
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| Mommy Beth and Officer King, sorry, we have to steal some of your moments on your big day! We are on our way. Be ready. LOL :-D |
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| Alright, enough with that, your daughter is crying and screaming mama. LOL |
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| Borrowing your 2 sponsors here ^__^ |
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| Sorry but your swordsmen are mine for now ^__^ |
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| And we own the clubhouse for your reception!!!^_^ |
BEST WISHES!!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Random Thoughts
Status. He always come online on invisible. But lately
he comes on available. We have never talked and I don't want to assume
he is
showing online for me to see him. He sure has other reasons which I
can't mistake they are for me. He stopped talking, I got tired so I
stopped talking too. I am tired fighting and holding for us and I can
not put myself back into it. I am done. We are done. I have learned from
the troubles I caused myself and I am meant to fix it. If he ever wants
to talk to me again, he can leave me message anytime at his well very
convenient time. That way it is clear coz definitely I am not a fan of
assumptions.
A baby. I am always committed for us to have a baby. But as to when, that is, a real challenge. I always love and enjoy babies and kids but I can not be selfish to put them into a compromising and unfair situation because of me. I am not gonna do it because i want it or he want it or we just want it, but because we know we can be there for them for their needs - our presence, support and love in all possible ways. Our situation is hard, we both know that. And he was never ready for a relationship, which I am aware a long time ago and he said it himself very loud and clear. I am always glad I never change my mind in between joy, lust and love I felt with him. An instinct I would always follow til we are both reliable.
Visa. Whatever visa it might be, I am always hesitant to try to file. Not because I dont want to be with you but because I know you by heart. It may sound judgmental but I dont want to make things hard for you and for myself too. Where you are is seriously far but I am not afraid for a change if only you are ready.
Sometimes, I asked myself why I stayed with him this long if I had these all in mind? Waiting is the answer I could find. Waiting til we are able coz when we started out we were students and yes we are far. Waiting til we are ready and be together. Waiting and hoping for us together, at last! That part -being ready- is most often if not always questionable though. Well I stayed because I love him and I am such a believer of a forever love even if I know there is no fairytale. That there is no perfect person so even with flaws that person is perfect in our eyes. That we always have to forgive coz every now and then we get hurt by the people we love. And that giving up is not on my list.
I am tough but I get very soft in love. And the worst part is I was getting used to it. Or maybe I got used coz I knew what to expect. At the very last time we were together, I was still that soft, I did not speak out what I wanted to say right on the spot when I am pissed, annoyed and upset, coz I did not want him hurt. I got too selfish with myself.
September 2010, I broke up with him coz I was really tired of loving him, but gave him another chance after 3 months of trying to get me back. Then I held him and supported him even though i had a feeling we will break apart again. I dont want to break the chance I gave him and I want to see him as a man hanging on to his words and never breaking them again.
But yes, all I thought would happen, happened. When he said, he really cant do it, all I could do was to say ''okay''. Instead of getting upset, I just understood him. There is no point of holding more, I have held long enough. It is very sad but he just cant be any better. Maybe better with someone else but definitely not with me.
I always believe, we can always go through anything coz we are meant to be, but we dont think the same.
We always keep on trying coz we never give up when we found ''the one''. But I guess, to each other, we are not the one.
And marrying him?I do consider yes but it is a no til I think he is ready. And I always wanted him to be sure about us, and I would know when he is. I never want my kids to be all eldest and so his. I can bear pains if it only involves me but if with the ones I love, no!
Despite the pains I felt, there are lots of things I learned about myself and relationships I will never forget. And I still knew someday I will meet the one for me.
The sail is often better when we are apart, but when we are together the boat rocks a lot in the absence of the winds.
''When the man loves the woman so dearly, relationship seems always smooth sailing''.
A baby. I am always committed for us to have a baby. But as to when, that is, a real challenge. I always love and enjoy babies and kids but I can not be selfish to put them into a compromising and unfair situation because of me. I am not gonna do it because i want it or he want it or we just want it, but because we know we can be there for them for their needs - our presence, support and love in all possible ways. Our situation is hard, we both know that. And he was never ready for a relationship, which I am aware a long time ago and he said it himself very loud and clear. I am always glad I never change my mind in between joy, lust and love I felt with him. An instinct I would always follow til we are both reliable.
Visa. Whatever visa it might be, I am always hesitant to try to file. Not because I dont want to be with you but because I know you by heart. It may sound judgmental but I dont want to make things hard for you and for myself too. Where you are is seriously far but I am not afraid for a change if only you are ready.
Sometimes, I asked myself why I stayed with him this long if I had these all in mind? Waiting is the answer I could find. Waiting til we are able coz when we started out we were students and yes we are far. Waiting til we are ready and be together. Waiting and hoping for us together, at last! That part -being ready- is most often if not always questionable though. Well I stayed because I love him and I am such a believer of a forever love even if I know there is no fairytale. That there is no perfect person so even with flaws that person is perfect in our eyes. That we always have to forgive coz every now and then we get hurt by the people we love. And that giving up is not on my list.
I am tough but I get very soft in love. And the worst part is I was getting used to it. Or maybe I got used coz I knew what to expect. At the very last time we were together, I was still that soft, I did not speak out what I wanted to say right on the spot when I am pissed, annoyed and upset, coz I did not want him hurt. I got too selfish with myself.
September 2010, I broke up with him coz I was really tired of loving him, but gave him another chance after 3 months of trying to get me back. Then I held him and supported him even though i had a feeling we will break apart again. I dont want to break the chance I gave him and I want to see him as a man hanging on to his words and never breaking them again.
But yes, all I thought would happen, happened. When he said, he really cant do it, all I could do was to say ''okay''. Instead of getting upset, I just understood him. There is no point of holding more, I have held long enough. It is very sad but he just cant be any better. Maybe better with someone else but definitely not with me.
I always believe, we can always go through anything coz we are meant to be, but we dont think the same.
We always keep on trying coz we never give up when we found ''the one''. But I guess, to each other, we are not the one.
And marrying him?I do consider yes but it is a no til I think he is ready. And I always wanted him to be sure about us, and I would know when he is. I never want my kids to be all eldest and so his. I can bear pains if it only involves me but if with the ones I love, no!
Despite the pains I felt, there are lots of things I learned about myself and relationships I will never forget. And I still knew someday I will meet the one for me.
The sail is often better when we are apart, but when we are together the boat rocks a lot in the absence of the winds.
''When the man loves the woman so dearly, relationship seems always smooth sailing''.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Summertime
Yesterday- friday.
I'd guess was your last day at work.
And your summer vacation finally.
Time to relax and have some fun.
Earn extra or whatever if you can.
But most of all, to go visit your son.
Probably for a month or for full summertime.
Quite a great picture.
I cant wait for the two of you hanging around.
You are ready to fly anytime soon.
You finally have better feeling with flights.
Better be coz not to fly is not an option on hand.
Enjoy your summertime.
It should be a hell lots of fun.
I'd guess was your last day at work.
And your summer vacation finally.
Time to relax and have some fun.
Earn extra or whatever if you can.
But most of all, to go visit your son.
Probably for a month or for full summertime.
Quite a great picture.
I cant wait for the two of you hanging around.
You are ready to fly anytime soon.
You finally have better feeling with flights.
Better be coz not to fly is not an option on hand.
Enjoy your summertime.
It should be a hell lots of fun.
Friday, June 22, 2012
For Now
I figured it out somewhere in february.
When your mama went to see your son.
And came back home with them and met everyone.
You were upset but you knew in your heart it was right.
I was truly happy for your child.
As it was exactly what i want if we had one.
Everything has changed since then including you yourself.
I realy felt you though you didnt say a thing.
Something was gonna happen to us i knew.
It was either you or me who has to let go.
We tried to hold us together as firmly as we can.
But there was just too much to bear we can not stand.
We reached the bottom and it was the time.
I understood you, i understood myself.
To understand was all i could do.
It was truly sad but i'd support you like i always do.
I wish this is not the end.
That one day we could still find you and me.
In a better chance and better us we will survive.
Willing to take each others hands no matter what.
Like Tom and Jerry, we fight yet never apart.
And inseparable like Bonnie and Clyde, minus the last part.
Well, time will let us be if we are realy meant to be.
But for now, it is you and me on our separate ways.
When your mama went to see your son.
And came back home with them and met everyone.
You were upset but you knew in your heart it was right.
I was truly happy for your child.
As it was exactly what i want if we had one.
Everything has changed since then including you yourself.
I realy felt you though you didnt say a thing.
Something was gonna happen to us i knew.
It was either you or me who has to let go.
We tried to hold us together as firmly as we can.
But there was just too much to bear we can not stand.
We reached the bottom and it was the time.
I understood you, i understood myself.
To understand was all i could do.
It was truly sad but i'd support you like i always do.
I wish this is not the end.
That one day we could still find you and me.
In a better chance and better us we will survive.
Willing to take each others hands no matter what.
Like Tom and Jerry, we fight yet never apart.
And inseparable like Bonnie and Clyde, minus the last part.
Well, time will let us be if we are realy meant to be.
But for now, it is you and me on our separate ways.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Rambled Thoughts
Sometimes I think im thinking of you too much.
There is no day i dont think of you.
Wherever i go, whatever i do.
I dont think it is right but it feels right.
Any thoughts from good times to bad,
Vice versa and back.
They dont matter coz youre in each of them.
Call me crazy thats for free and see,theres no one can realy help me.
Coz it is only you i want to help me.
Is it too much to ever think u will talk to me?
And we will talk just the same?
That there is you and me still?
Did u ever hope of us always together no matter what?
Us? Was there anyway?
Did you ever think we were meant to be?
Even just for a second?
You said im your bestfriend.
I was flattered.
Was it for real? Yes?
Only for that particular moment, was it?
Am i too presumptious? Care to speak?
Will u care to talk to me and see me?
Will u even care to understand me?
Youre not ever here at all to tell me.
I dont even want to tell you all these.
I will never make things hard for you.
And you know its true.
But do you even wonder how am i?
If i am fine, do you care?
If not, would you ask why?
Sure, you are at peace right now.
With rested thought and mind
why bother to complicate things, right?
I want you. To be held right next to me.
So dearly and comfortably, finally.
Will you gladly let me?
Am i selfish? Self assuming?
Do u even want me that way too?
I only want to love and to be loved.
Dont hurt me. Im just a little child inside.
Why have you come into my life?
Tell me your intentions so i'd understand.
What do you want from me exactly?
What do you want me to do?
Tell me so i'd know where i went wrong.
Tell me to stay with you.
Tell me you are worth my fight.
I had been fighting.
Come on fight for us too.
Just show me its worth fighting for.
Then i'd continue coz i want to.
You freak me out but i love you anyway.
Wont you say ''i love u too anyway''?
With so much rambling thoughts in my head.
It shows in my rambled words.
Is there anyone who can even assemble?
There is no day i dont think of you.
Wherever i go, whatever i do.
I dont think it is right but it feels right.
Any thoughts from good times to bad,
Vice versa and back.
They dont matter coz youre in each of them.
Call me crazy thats for free and see,theres no one can realy help me.
Coz it is only you i want to help me.
Is it too much to ever think u will talk to me?
And we will talk just the same?
That there is you and me still?
Did u ever hope of us always together no matter what?
Us? Was there anyway?
Did you ever think we were meant to be?
Even just for a second?
You said im your bestfriend.
I was flattered.
Was it for real? Yes?
Only for that particular moment, was it?
Am i too presumptious? Care to speak?
Will u care to talk to me and see me?
Will u even care to understand me?
Youre not ever here at all to tell me.
I dont even want to tell you all these.
I will never make things hard for you.
And you know its true.
But do you even wonder how am i?
If i am fine, do you care?
If not, would you ask why?
Sure, you are at peace right now.
With rested thought and mind
why bother to complicate things, right?
I want you. To be held right next to me.
So dearly and comfortably, finally.
Will you gladly let me?
Am i selfish? Self assuming?
Do u even want me that way too?
I only want to love and to be loved.
Dont hurt me. Im just a little child inside.
Why have you come into my life?
Tell me your intentions so i'd understand.
What do you want from me exactly?
What do you want me to do?
Tell me so i'd know where i went wrong.
Tell me to stay with you.
Tell me you are worth my fight.
I had been fighting.
Come on fight for us too.
Just show me its worth fighting for.
Then i'd continue coz i want to.
You freak me out but i love you anyway.
Wont you say ''i love u too anyway''?
With so much rambling thoughts in my head.
It shows in my rambled words.
Is there anyone who can even assemble?
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
A Full of Life
I found this short story with a moral lesson.
Hope you like it too.
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican fishing village.
A tourist
complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their
fish and asked
how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long." they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to
meet their needs and those of their families.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children,
and take siestas with our wives.
In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends,
have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted,
"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!
You should start by fishing longer every day.
You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?" asked the fisherman.
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring,
you can buy a second one and a third one
and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers..
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man,
you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants
and maybe even open your own plant.
You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City,
Los Angeles, or even New York City!
''From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?" asked the fisherman.
The tourist answered
" Afterward? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, "
answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really BIG,
you can start buying and selling stocks and make Millions of DOLLARS!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fisherman.
"After that you'll be able to retire,
live in a tiny village near the coast,
sleep late, play with your children,
catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife
and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying with your friends."
"That’s what I am doing now!!” Replied the fisherman
The moral of this story is:
Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!!
fish and asked
how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long." they answered in unison.
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to
meet their needs and those of their families.
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children,
and take siestas with our wives.
In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends,
have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
We have a full life."
The tourist interrupted,
"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!
You should start by fishing longer every day.
You can then sell the extra fish you catch.
With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?" asked the fisherman.
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring,
you can buy a second one and a third one
and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers..
Instead of selling your fish to a middle man,
you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants
and maybe even open your own plant.
You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City,
Los Angeles, or even New York City!
''From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.
"And after that?" asked the fisherman.
The tourist answered
" Afterward? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, "
answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really BIG,
you can start buying and selling stocks and make Millions of DOLLARS!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fisherman.
"After that you'll be able to retire,
live in a tiny village near the coast,
sleep late, play with your children,
catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife
and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying with your friends."
"That’s what I am doing now!!” Replied the fisherman
The moral of this story is:
Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!!
Laptop
My laptop is broken so I am writting from work right now. It seems awful but it does not feel awful. It is probably good that it is broken but I am sad I can not sit and think facing my monitor to simply right down my thoughts. I find it really handy and great on my freetime! Well, I am gonna take my laptop to a pc shop today to see what exactly is wrong with it.
Wish me luck coz I can not afford for a new one right now :-S LOL Not til I get a new job or in december when I get an extra pay :-D whichever comes first!!!
Wed, June 20, 2012.
I left it lastngiht to be diagnosed and be fixed -its probably the internal cooler or something. 5 days without my laptop awww :((
Tue, June 26, 2012.
It is great to be back online! Not on my phone but on my laptop! I got too busy over the weekend so I only got the chance to pick up my laptop yesterday after work. The finding was yes, overheating. They had to put a thermal paste or whatever to prevent melting another chip on the mother board which they had to replace one of them. The fan has to be badly cleaned too :-D. Last night I had trouble connecting to any webpages, asking for certificate verification security and stuffs. It took me ages trying to figure out what was wrong with it til I gave up and I just went to sleep. In the morning, the date was just out dated back in 2001 and wont advance when laptop is dead. I took my laptop back to the shop to be sure. The internal battery (for its clock) has to be replaced which would be another cost, so for the maintime i'm jsut gonna set it manually everytime I turn it on LOL This laptop is good to be replaced anyway and I will do so very soon. For now, I am happy just to be here again. My dear laptop, hold on til I can get a new one, alright?hahaha It wont be long =)
Wish me luck coz I can not afford for a new one right now :-S LOL Not til I get a new job or in december when I get an extra pay :-D whichever comes first!!!
Wed, June 20, 2012.
I left it lastngiht to be diagnosed and be fixed -its probably the internal cooler or something. 5 days without my laptop awww :((
Tue, June 26, 2012.
It is great to be back online! Not on my phone but on my laptop! I got too busy over the weekend so I only got the chance to pick up my laptop yesterday after work. The finding was yes, overheating. They had to put a thermal paste or whatever to prevent melting another chip on the mother board which they had to replace one of them. The fan has to be badly cleaned too :-D. Last night I had trouble connecting to any webpages, asking for certificate verification security and stuffs. It took me ages trying to figure out what was wrong with it til I gave up and I just went to sleep. In the morning, the date was just out dated back in 2001 and wont advance when laptop is dead. I took my laptop back to the shop to be sure. The internal battery (for its clock) has to be replaced which would be another cost, so for the maintime i'm jsut gonna set it manually everytime I turn it on LOL This laptop is good to be replaced anyway and I will do so very soon. For now, I am happy just to be here again. My dear laptop, hold on til I can get a new one, alright?hahaha It wont be long =)
Sunday, June 17, 2012
The risks outweigh concerns
We always take risk in the name of love, but at what point we start measuring risk? It is when you say ''wait a minute, this is no longer good''. It is the time when your mind takes over the whole thing coz you know in your heart that this love you are referring to is destroying yourself.
When you love, you start being concern and caring, that you want to keep that someone with you no matter what. But it should not stop right there. You also have to keep yourself for that someone and for yourself by giving concerns and cares as well. Otherwise, you can not love right. And worst case scenario is when that someone does not love the way you do, then you lost yourself in the process.
Love is a feeling and feeling is just an emotion, which is changeable. It is never fixed - it fluctuates. Love not grounded with mind for reasons can cause you troubles. The cause of love is the ground you stand when things around bump you from different sides.
Love not only by heart but also by mind. You love because you both feel and think it is right. Love is decision, grounded with reasons. Love can either make you or break you - it is all up to you.
When you love, you start being concern and caring, that you want to keep that someone with you no matter what. But it should not stop right there. You also have to keep yourself for that someone and for yourself by giving concerns and cares as well. Otherwise, you can not love right. And worst case scenario is when that someone does not love the way you do, then you lost yourself in the process.
Love is a feeling and feeling is just an emotion, which is changeable. It is never fixed - it fluctuates. Love not grounded with mind for reasons can cause you troubles. The cause of love is the ground you stand when things around bump you from different sides.
Love not only by heart but also by mind. You love because you both feel and think it is right. Love is decision, grounded with reasons. Love can either make you or break you - it is all up to you.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Baby Louise
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| Tita Daisy, easy on me please, dont wake me up =) |
It's baby Louise' Christening today! The blessing was really quick then we all went for her lunch party. Babies are always angels and so is Lou. I was carrying her most of the time. Thank you baby for being such an angel you make me smile. Aunt Daisy is so happy to ever have a niece like you. And since today is your day, I got you something for a gift - a cutey dress up set for you =)
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| Looks like I have a doll to dress up now :-D |
Friday, June 15, 2012
Giving a Break (a series)
I will give everything a break so I will ease my way to refreshing myself with everything. I know it is not like reformatting a program but in time it will get there, at least close to it maybe. I want everything new with anyone I will be with or with him (it is not that I am hoping us together again). It is just best to start brand new without any ghost in the closet, but lessons. And I am following my instinct here.
June 4, 2012. Phone.
In the fall of 31st day since my break up, I sold the phone he gave me. I wrote about it on my ''Thirty First Day'' post. You probably have read it.
June 14, 2012. Love Letter.
My very first and only love letter I torn into pieces and thrown away today.
After years of keeping it, I no longer have interest keeping it now. Reading and taking a photo of it before tearing gave me no feelings anymore. I think I was still numb this morning when I decided to do it. I''ll save the copy in my hard drive along with the rest of our photos, videos, works, everything we have shared, which I intend to delete all at ones when it is time.
From today and onwards, he will no longer see me online whenever I am home, that is, if I am still on his list, as it seemed to me he is no longer talking to me, literally FOREVER.
A minute ago, I was on My Documents to see if there was still any trace of ''us'' in there and I came across this ''visa folder'' and saw files we had been reading about before. I opened one file and I saw his birth date which is actually today. This is the very first time I ever forgot his birthday. Maybe my instinct did not forget at all as it seemed to be doing something extra big this morning. I am not greeting him anyway. He turned his back on me and I am not going around. I am tired of always making myself available for him, which I realized it is wrong. It is wrong, after all.
For your 30th birthday, here is for you, a quote from Benjamin Franklin:
At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.
Alright witty guy, Happy Birthday!!! Pass on the beers, cheers!!!
June 15, 2012. Photos
Photos with soft copies, I cut them all into pieces this morning before I left to work. They no longer cant be recognized in my trash bin. I just stared at them and said 'I made it' with a pinch in my heart but it was the right thing to do to set everything free. ''It always seems impossible until done.''
June 22, 2012. Old photos.
All old photos back in 2005 and 2007 without soft copies, I had them scanned.
Thanks to Remy, my acquired sister. Sista, when you get to read this, I know you had no idea what had happened to us on the photos you scanned but thank you so much for the favor you've done. Very soon when I have enough time, those photos will be thrown in the trashcan, as I no longer wish to keep anything I could see right in front of me - the memories that are fading anyway.
June 26, 2012. Album.
Old photos, on pages with arts and designs like a scrapbook, are cut into pieces and thrown into the bin. Album I kept is now gone. In case he would need copies of any of them, he all has copies with him. And regardless he still keep them or not, I no longer want to do the honor of keeping anything. Better keeping in some other time.
I'll keep this post updated til the rest of the month.
June 4, 2012. Phone.
In the fall of 31st day since my break up, I sold the phone he gave me. I wrote about it on my ''Thirty First Day'' post. You probably have read it.
June 14, 2012. Love Letter.
My very first and only love letter I torn into pieces and thrown away today.
After years of keeping it, I no longer have interest keeping it now. Reading and taking a photo of it before tearing gave me no feelings anymore. I think I was still numb this morning when I decided to do it. I''ll save the copy in my hard drive along with the rest of our photos, videos, works, everything we have shared, which I intend to delete all at ones when it is time.
From today and onwards, he will no longer see me online whenever I am home, that is, if I am still on his list, as it seemed to me he is no longer talking to me, literally FOREVER.
A minute ago, I was on My Documents to see if there was still any trace of ''us'' in there and I came across this ''visa folder'' and saw files we had been reading about before. I opened one file and I saw his birth date which is actually today. This is the very first time I ever forgot his birthday. Maybe my instinct did not forget at all as it seemed to be doing something extra big this morning. I am not greeting him anyway. He turned his back on me and I am not going around. I am tired of always making myself available for him, which I realized it is wrong. It is wrong, after all.
For your 30th birthday, here is for you, a quote from Benjamin Franklin:
At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.
Alright witty guy, Happy Birthday!!! Pass on the beers, cheers!!!
June 15, 2012. Photos
Photos with soft copies, I cut them all into pieces this morning before I left to work. They no longer cant be recognized in my trash bin. I just stared at them and said 'I made it' with a pinch in my heart but it was the right thing to do to set everything free. ''It always seems impossible until done.''
June 22, 2012. Old photos.
All old photos back in 2005 and 2007 without soft copies, I had them scanned.
Thanks to Remy, my acquired sister. Sista, when you get to read this, I know you had no idea what had happened to us on the photos you scanned but thank you so much for the favor you've done. Very soon when I have enough time, those photos will be thrown in the trashcan, as I no longer wish to keep anything I could see right in front of me - the memories that are fading anyway.
June 26, 2012. Album.
Old photos, on pages with arts and designs like a scrapbook, are cut into pieces and thrown into the bin. Album I kept is now gone. In case he would need copies of any of them, he all has copies with him. And regardless he still keep them or not, I no longer want to do the honor of keeping anything. Better keeping in some other time.
I'll keep this post updated til the rest of the month.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Independence Day
It is my country's independence day holiday today and I tried to make it my independence day too - being single. I went for my dental cleaning appointment today with my brother John and his wife using the discounted vouchers I got them as gifts for their b-days. I chatted with them for 3hrs with my friend who went with us and I had so much fun.
I am tryin my best to reconnect myself outside, see my friends, make new friends, meet my family close by, schedule trips and any appointments, et cetera, to keep me busy and for the moment to forget my emotions. It actually works but I still get sad and sigh a lot at the sad thoughts when I am alone, but focusing on it wont help either. I am a fool if I'd say I dont need help, but not a shoulder to lean on, instead, a help to change my lifestyle. I want to leave this place where I am right now and change everything. I dont know exactly how am I gonna do it, but I'm gonna find a way. And oh God, please be my guide to make this possible.
To my ex-boyfriend, if any chance u get to read this, I know you are doing good and will always be doing good, so keep it up. I know you no longer care about me, maybe you still do a little, but it does not matter anyway. Our love is at the wrong time and place and maybe with a wrong a person. I don't hope if u will ever talk to me again but I'd pray tonight that we'll bump each other one day when we are both responsible. If never again in this life, then I will see u in the after life. Cheers!
Great Independence Day to everyone! =)
I am tryin my best to reconnect myself outside, see my friends, make new friends, meet my family close by, schedule trips and any appointments, et cetera, to keep me busy and for the moment to forget my emotions. It actually works but I still get sad and sigh a lot at the sad thoughts when I am alone, but focusing on it wont help either. I am a fool if I'd say I dont need help, but not a shoulder to lean on, instead, a help to change my lifestyle. I want to leave this place where I am right now and change everything. I dont know exactly how am I gonna do it, but I'm gonna find a way. And oh God, please be my guide to make this possible.
To my ex-boyfriend, if any chance u get to read this, I know you are doing good and will always be doing good, so keep it up. I know you no longer care about me, maybe you still do a little, but it does not matter anyway. Our love is at the wrong time and place and maybe with a wrong a person. I don't hope if u will ever talk to me again but I'd pray tonight that we'll bump each other one day when we are both responsible. If never again in this life, then I will see u in the after life. Cheers!
Great Independence Day to everyone! =)
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Art of Coffee
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| The Art of Coffee |
June 14, 2012. I took a leave from work this afternoon to watch a competition for professional baristas at the World Trade Center. Each contestant was to prepare lattes, expressos and of course his/her own signature dish (a drink). The competition was really full of adrenaline and I got tense myself watching. I think I can handle myself in a competition like that and I am very much tempted to enroll myself into barista courses and worshops but I'd need extra finances for that plus liters of milk and pounds of coffee supply to play with and waste during practices :-D LOL It would definitely be fun!!! The thought of it really excites me so I will save for it and plan about it, as to making use of it after studying coz I dont want the time, effort and money go wasted.
While at the world trade center, I also explored the rest of the exhibits and competitions around. The center was packed with people and I was lucky I did not get headache and dizzy, which I usually get when I am in a crowded place(very crowded place). I think what helped my condition was, everything around was very interesting and everyone was making business. It was full of life and definitely not full of shit. There was so much to learn in there, from food to beverages to housewares to just everything. What has caught most my attention there was the competitions (for baristas, chef, food art and photography, and dining setting). I was like wow and how on earth I was not part of them all LOL ( I felt a little jealous but I cant have them all). There were some goods on exhibits that were very much interesting and everything was on sale! I really enjoyed my time there and also I thanked Miss Anne for going there too with her boyfriend and her daughter who was with her own boyfriend too. Oh, it made me realized they were on pairs and I was not!Ha ha I did not mind anyway coz just being with all of them I also learn more about relationships. It is always good to be out, meet new people, learn from them and discover something about yourself and myself. Those will help you ground yourself.
Friday, June 08, 2012
Thoughts on Photos
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| Keeping desire burning! |
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| Daisy is indeed, very beautiful. |
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| When you're down and alone like everyone has left you. Pull you strength from within yourself. No ones gonna help you first but youself. - Daisy |
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| “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.” ~♥~ Paulo Coelho ~♥~ |
Monday, June 04, 2012
Thirty First Day
Thirty First Day is a bittersweet day.
Today, I cleared all the data in the phone he got me last 2008 – contacts, pictures, videos, messages, everything, and sold it within the day. I have not used it for a few months since I bought myself an android phone and have kept it for the sentimental value it holds, but after the break up I thought over everything. And today I was sure to give it up as part of clearing my surrounding by eliminating things one by one in a right and positive way. Clearer surrounding means clearer mind. I wanted to just give it away but instead I sold it at a very low price to give pride to whoever will buy it and to close the deal really quick. It’s still in a very good condition so it’s fairly worth to take.
To my phone. When u were taken right from my palm, my heart skipped a beat. But I have to stay firm on my decisions so farewell to you.
I am really weak when it comes to the matters of the heart. I often contradicted my instincts even though I knew each time I do, the result is always not good. He was my pride I held so dear in my heart I would always keep. Even if I saw everything coming, I chose to take risks, hoping later I'd be proven wrong, but then I was proven right. Well, he was my first boyfriend and sure I learned my lessons, so nxt time I’d see something coming, I’d know what I’d do.
Tomorrow is another day and I will make it my day!
Sad for no exchange of words.
But I’m proud he has made up his mind.
Like I always wanted him to – being sure.
Keep it up!
Keep it up!
Today, I cleared all the data in the phone he got me last 2008 – contacts, pictures, videos, messages, everything, and sold it within the day. I have not used it for a few months since I bought myself an android phone and have kept it for the sentimental value it holds, but after the break up I thought over everything. And today I was sure to give it up as part of clearing my surrounding by eliminating things one by one in a right and positive way. Clearer surrounding means clearer mind. I wanted to just give it away but instead I sold it at a very low price to give pride to whoever will buy it and to close the deal really quick. It’s still in a very good condition so it’s fairly worth to take.
To my phone. When u were taken right from my palm, my heart skipped a beat. But I have to stay firm on my decisions so farewell to you.
I am really weak when it comes to the matters of the heart. I often contradicted my instincts even though I knew each time I do, the result is always not good. He was my pride I held so dear in my heart I would always keep. Even if I saw everything coming, I chose to take risks, hoping later I'd be proven wrong, but then I was proven right. Well, he was my first boyfriend and sure I learned my lessons, so nxt time I’d see something coming, I’d know what I’d do.
Tomorrow is another day and I will make it my day!
Sunday, June 03, 2012
Out in the Fog
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| In cold there is warmth from people close to you. In the fog there is a little heaven's touch. And in the dark there is always a silver lining in sight. |
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| There are many things given to us in this life for the wrong reasons. What we do with such blessings, that is the true test of the man. |
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| Come on, hop in! Let's have some joyride! ^__^ |
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| Somebody has watched me sleeping. Good to know! Or maybe they were just messing with a tired person.LOL Whatever the purpose. I enjoyed with you guys! |
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| Every choice you make shapes your fate. A nature loving place like this reserves life. |
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| Sometimes it is good to be alone to relax having a quality time with yourself. |
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| It always takes courage and determination to get thru any kind of obstacles along the way. And do it with feelings! |
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| Check this out. The coolest thing I have ever seen in this place! Do not mistake this as a flower coz it's a veggie. I guess a family of lettuce. |
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| To be on top, you have to climb. |
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| When you passion and purpose is greater than your fears and excuses, you will find a way. |
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| Even when everything goes bad more than you can imagine. This is never an option! |
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| Good morning sunshines!!! I will be with u again on our next trips. Where will be the nxt stop? |
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