January 20, 2014. Monday. 11.50 P.M. It’s been going on
for days now, perhaps, a couple of weeks. I couldn’t think straight for a
single thought longer than a minute. I feel the urgency to contain myself
before it gets worst. I just can’t go on with a cluttered mind. And with so
much to write about many different things, I have no idea where to start. I feel
like breaking.
My emotions had built up since last quarter of last year.
I had been really busy and occupied with so much to mind . I had barely spent a
quality time with myself, even as simple as writing down my thoughts. But I
thought everything was going fine ‘til I became emotionally attached to this
guy, Dwin. He’s my first ever date after moving on from my first ever break-up.
I deeply got disappointed that the dating ended so quickly. I should have known
things better. My eyes are heavy, probably from sleepiness but my tears are
actually flooding my eyelids now… overflowing, rushing down to my cheeks… -__-.
However, I had no regrets hanging out with Dwin coz I
really felt in-loved again, in fact, in a better way, in a lot of ways. Over a
very short period of time, he played his sweet-and-caring-lover part, in a
quite amusing way. I took a chance for a possible love. I had no hesitations. I
was at peace. I felt invincible but sometimes self-confidence can be a bitch. This
time I find moving-on difficult. Maybe because I’m not yet ready to let go. His
name resounds in my head. Sometimes, I thought I see him around. Those moments
we had keep on playing in my mind and they all make me smile, and later, frown.
I no longer hear from him and it always pains me to give up so easily. But there
is no more him, as if he never existed, as if those moments are nothing but
fractions of a beautiful dream. I yearn for more but all I can do is mourn. As
grand as it feels to reminisce them, I have to put them all behind. Maybe after
this post, I can officially toss them all away to trash… Oh, blogger…
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