January 14, 2014. Tuesday, 10:50 P.M. I hate this. I’m not
holding anyone’s hands anymore. Ahhh!!! I’m not in love though but I felt some
kind of ‘’connection’’ from hanging out with Aldwin. And now that it’s over, I
feel brokenhearted. Maybe because I like him and as much as I hate not getting
what I want, I need to back off. He is a friend who needs a lot of time to
heal. I wish I could help him move on, but it’s something he has to work on by
himself even if he’s not saying it. I can feel him. I have been there - dismayed
from the last relationship. ‘til he is ready to be hurt again, he cannot pursue
on dating. I pray he can collect his emotions back soon, which is really a hard
work. It takes a lot of patience and determination - A hell lot of guts! Then
one day, he can take a risk loving again and hopefully have someone who would
love him the way he would. I wish him the best of luck coz it’s something I
want for myself.
I knew we can’t go any further the moment he finally opened up
about his past relationship which ended early last year. That was exactly the thing I sensed in his aura. And I felt trusted when this closed-to-himself fella was able to share sensitive topics with me. I was really surprised
he was trying to date again. Personally, I went through I lot of emotional
battles with myself before I could finally say, ‘’I’m ready to try again’’.
Blogger, u were my star witness, how many emotional episodes I had and they
were all not funny. I even wrote a bitter-sweet anniversary poem for that
break-up!!! Break-ups are never funny anyway coz it always hurts when u love.
But ‘’feeling in love’’ and ‘’feeling loved’’ are some of those best things to
have in this world. So, get on ur feet Dwin and move on!!!
Anyway, we had two hangouts filled with good memories. I
felt free, happily hanging out with someone i have known for less than a month.
I am always picky and cautious with people but to Dwin I had like an instant
connection. My heart and mind were at peace so it was an easy feeling to meet
him. Although, I was really nervous walking towards him where he was waiting for
me for the first time but I did feel confident I was doing alright. It was a
very different feeling compared to meeting my ex before, which was about my
stubbornness and too much self-confidence. I would always push my way to prove
everybody wrong. I was of course happy being there for him which became a habit
or perhaps a responsibility no matter what he does. We were totally different
with so many things and to me, it was a big challenge!
This HHWD (holding hands while walking) and simple
touches I had with Dwin were my first time and I just felt really touched. My
ex was not at all expressive so I learned not expecting anything, not getting
anything and getting something I like (material/gesture) was sooooo seldom and
weird it was hard to appreciate. Anyway, dating Dwin was smooth and charming!!!
I wasn’t trying to impress him at all. I was completely myself. Unreal! And
because of that I am smitten and heartbroken at the same time. Now, I have to
set aside dating for a while. I just can’t go on holding random hands, I’m just
not like that. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. It’s the second time around after realizing
there can be NO Steve and Daisy anywhere in the future hahaha Now my first ever
actual date turned out unsuccessful. It looks like I’ve no luck with love
hahaha well Dwin was a different story and it was a really good try. I would go
through it again if I had a chance. So long, Dwin!
I wonder who will I bump into again and when? For now, no
more dating for a while and just focus on my job hunt and my MBA. *pheow!*
Blogger, wish me luck! ^__^.
No comments:
Post a Comment