Change Of Heart

New Year is fast approaching and at some points I feel…anxious. I never like that word, anxious, so whenever I start feeling it, I always end up figuring it out, defining it at my best. There is a lot for me to look forward to in 2013 but there is a piece of me wanting to stay in 2012. I know I can’t live in the past so I’ll have a change of heart.

 

The thing I wanted to work out, did not work out, but I wished it ended properly, at least in a friendly manner. It would have been easy to deal with, like the first, second and third time we broke up, but I guess there was no easy way to do it permanently. The way it ended was harsh and painful. It took him a month to spell it out and it took me a month pretending and hanging on it was not what it was going to be. I wished our week in Bangkok was better, like a short sweet goodbye trip, ending our relationship there. It sounds wishful and maybe pretentious but our relationship deserved to have a quality time together in person. I knew that week could be a make or break, and it turned out to be a break. Right after it was his silence and turning of his back, without the magic word to me. I was left out and insulted. I never thought, loving can be insulting ‘til then. Then clarity came, though late, I said okay. I always prefer that. Maybe I’ll be hurt more in the future than I already was, but I’d rather take the chance. Being hopeful works but not in all thing. The same it goes to tying a knot at the end of the rope to hang on. Well experiences, no matter what they are, are always lessons to be learned. So 2013, here I come!

 

 

It’s been a few months and though I have an excellent memory, it really is still hard to remember any good things from all those years. But that video above really got me. He made it himself some time in 2010 and surprised me with it. I can still remember, how happily tearful I was. I’d like to post it here çoz I love it, I love arts, and I’m not sure ‘til when I’d have this and the rest of our files. So as a token for love, there it is, his lovely present for me.

 

Tomorrow is my birthday and sure is my New Year, a little earlier than what’s New Year in the calendar. I wish myself more strength and clearer mind to do things right and to get through anything. When the New Year starts unfolding, I will start working out another thing. Hopefully it will work just fine. May the good spirits be always with me ^__^.

Christmas Dates

December 26, 2012. Wednesday. 8 P.M. I travelled back early this morning to be back to work ‘til Friday. I wish I can have the luxury to be in holiday til January 2, but I can’t. So I’ll just have to travel back to my brother’s on Saturday early morning to avoid the traffic jam.

 

It’s always good to be there. Aside from being with a family, I get to have a break from my usual activities here. We didn’t prepare much and fancy food for Christmas, we went out to a mall during Christmas day instead. I took them - my brother and his wife, to a foot spa with me as my Christmas gift for them aside from the handcuffs I gave to my brother which he laughed at at first then thought of something brilliant to do with it afterwards, and a cute baby pink summer dress for his wife which size fitted just right on her. As their gifts for me, they let me pick what I want and they paid for it. I got 2 jackets, red and pink. Cool!

 

My Silly yet adorable Christmas date LOL I miss surfing! ^__^.

It was very funny at the spa ‘coz my brother got tickles in his feet. He has big feet so the woman doing his spa was so cautious he might kick her face! Though it was his first time, he gladly took the challenge. Thanks bro for being laid back. We, your girls, always have open highways to your feet to tickle your heart LOL

 

 

We called home at night and my mother got the cash I sent for her request and my sister got cheeky about the sexy dress I got her. My other brother had drove home from here together with his wife and daughter for about 48 hours, hitting the roads and taking ferry boats which supposedly I had joined them but its way too complicated to take leaves at work. A road trip really eats so much time so I can’t go with them even though I’d love to. That is sad to say but so far so good anyway. I already got my two-way promo tickets for Easter holiday vacation. I can’t wait! Yesterday was the best Christmas I had since I left home and even the best December. There’s a little pinch in my heart though, ‘coz this delightfulness I can’t share with someone I wanted to share with also. But it’s okay, ‘coz I already wished him a best Christmas.

Cheers to the next Christmas! ^__^.

 

Travel Light

December 23, 2012. Sunday. 8 A.M. Christmas day is near. Most people has gone home from the city and some are still going home as of today. My roommates had already left. Angel flew last Friday night and Sheila took a bus the next day at the break of the day. I seldom join the holiday rush so I am only going home to my brothers today after lunch. It’s 3 hours with traffic and an hour without so I’m always happy with no queues and packed crowd in the stations and in the streets. It’s handier now too coz I travel light without the need to bring my own laptop. Before I had to pack my laptop and the wires each time I leave my place so I and my boyfriend could chat. I was always happy to carry my laptop around even just for a day or two break. Now, it’s weird that I’m equally happy not bringing it at all. Well I guess I cared too much for anything that’s breakable and now if I throw my bag as careless as I can be, nothing will break. Even with my heart in it, it’s not gonna break ‘coz it has already been torn and broken LOL Kidding side, I am travelling light at heart as well.

 

Things are different now. Though my patience has snapped, I still do love him very much and care so much for him. Though I always knew I had to step out from his big picture, I still hanged on and stood by him amidst anything, so sorry, he had to push me out ones, twice. Thrice was too much, it was way too much and I’d insult myself if I won’t stop. Believe me it’s not an easy position to be. If only I could run across the ocean to give myself a big hug, I would. He can’t protect me from himself and I’m not a hero or a martyr, why would I prolong my agony. At some points I think I should have known my place better but it was okay, I loved the man that much. I can only hope for the better. One of my wishes for Christmas is that he will take responsibility of the consequences of his actions which I believe he is already doing it right now. I may not be in any means be a part of it all but in my heart it is for the best. I have to step out fully, for him and for myself. Who knows, he will find it in his heart to take the woman to be his wife/partner for a lifetime. Sure they had shared many good laughs and time and now are sharing a one of a kind connection, their precious boy. Then that’s a happy complete family.

 

Over the years with him, I always hope for us but never have I wished to have a child with him any time soon, not just yet, ‘coz I can already picture how things will be like. Though my love for him was strong, my hunch was and always is a lot stronger and had never been wrong. To know that there was a boy coming was not a surprise to me so I thought of him as a silver lining shining from above. And I hope he will always be like what I’ve first believed in.

 

It’s Dizzy here, signing off and travelling light. I can’t wait to mess my big brother’s hair!

 

Merry Christmas! ^__^.

 

Water World



Water is soft but strong enough to wear away hard stones.

December 22, 2012. Saturday. I always dream of so much water – all sorts of it. It’s a common scene in my dreams to find myself alone having some kind of water adventures while in real life I don’t even know how to swim. I had swim in a clear deep river with all kinds of beautiful fish and stones on the riverbed. I have caught by a rushing wild river, struggled for my life and survived. I had swim calmly in muddy water with nothing to see at all but its fog. I have fallen from a waterfall but dived in successfully. I had swim through the sewerage system in the city, dirty and stinky, and got out relieved from a one of a kind adventure.  I took a shower and/or bath in my dreams which were sometimes satisfactory and sometimes interrupted. I was lost in the sea and lived. I played with waters a lot. In real life, I like water as it keeps me cool. And I’m in love with the rain.

 

I have witnessed a perfect scene of moving water – it was at the heart of a vast forest I haven’t been into. The water started off from a not too big or too small waterfall. It was beautiful with a fairytale kind of effects. It continuously fell on the already filled bottom where fish of different kinds were falling and jumping, happily. It gently made its way wider and wider, touching every stones and plants nearby, flowing beautifully. Watching the whole scene closely, I found out something amazing. It then flowed upwards in a perfect 90 degrees, then perfectly level its way parallel to the river bed for about a few meters and continued to a perfect 90 degrees fall. It was beautiful and weird at the same time. I saw the fish go where the water flow. I enjoyed the view.

 

I had a dream the other day that only two buckets of water are supplied everyday. I was enjoying hand washing some clothes and getting myself wet at the same time then I got arrested. I was caught on the spot spending so much water than what was allowed. It was the weirdest dream I ever had. Water has always been so abundant in my dreams and now it seems scarce! I was somehow puzzled after waking up from that dream. They said, in dreams, water symbolizes one’s emotional state. But most of the time, I thought it’s because I simply love water in real life and/or because I’m in a hot country.  Well, moving on to what they say about water, I thought the water scarcity is caused by so much busyness for this month. I can barely have time to think or feel anything `coz all I want to do is to sleep. Hopefully I can get so much before this year ends and have more refreshing moments in my dreams!

 

Aye, Aye Madam!!!

I called and I’m over the moon, WOW! LOL I feel silly çoz I am convinced it was just a formality. I got 79/100 points – shit result, for me. But oh well, I passed! Whoooohooh I passed! I hear that. LOL Next month will be the enrollment and the start of classes. I have to ask the President a favor about my working time adjustment. Hopefully, he will allow me with what I’d ask. I’ll do my job well as usual anyway. Now, I am more excited, making it hard to take my smile off my face. ^__^.

 

There can be miracle, when you believe…. ^__^.

 

When the month of December started, I officially closed my mini reloading business. I had it for about 11 months and it went great. It was a good diversion from work while earning some penny from it. Last January it was my New Year project and it's time for it to end as the year is ending and a new project is coming up. I work over 8hrs in most days if not always during weekdays, and 2-3 saturday mornings every month, so I obviously need extra focus from now on. For this coming January, my MBA is my project, which is for 2 years.

I did not pursue investing in stocks even if I wanted to çoz I need some serious amount of cash and I'd have to see first how my work and my course will go together hand in hand. Hopefully, there will be a salary increase next year as it is not done yearly over here in this office. Then, maybe I’ll get myself involve in the stock market. I’m quite interested in it.

 

For now, ‘’Daisy, do your MBA very well.’’ ….. Aye, aye Madam! ^__^.

 

 

Pass Or Break?!?

December 17, 2012. Monday. 12.30.P.M I’m back to work. I did not come in this morning çoz I continued for my entrance exam, the essay part. Though I ate breakfast and have conditioned my mood before going back to school, I nearly went blank answering two questions in 300 words. Expressing my thoughts out on paper was like scratching my eyeballs with a needle. I don’t know which was a better worst, today or last Saturday. Today’s noise was louder. I was starting to answer the essay when the teachers started to gather around me in the main table to discuss things among themselves, louder each time and scream my brains out. That was unbelievable. At some points, I thought that was very rude and insensitive of them and at some points I thought that was a great challenge. All I could do was eyeing the ball of my pen and burying it on the paper, wondering if they’d at all shut up. After about 20 minutes, one teacher sympathized with me and I was transferred to her cubicle, where I was 4 meters away from the undying babbling pairs of lips. That was kind of her and I was so thankful. And the noise became bearable enough.

 

I told Ms. Anne and Remy about it all and they told me I’d pass regardless what’s the result ‘coz I am an income to their school and an entrance exam is just for formalities. I’m not really sure if I am comforted or worried about what they said to me. The school is accredited worldwide and I don’t want to pass ‘coz they’d let me pass, but because of my capabilities. On the other hand, I want to believe it was just a formality - pay the fee, take the exam and never mind the result. What matter is how well I do my projects and the whole course, just like what Ms. Anne said. How the faculties behave around me while taking my exam, as if they don’t care about my result at all, is somehow convincing. Maybe they were just testing me? That the whole scenario was intentional? It’s maybe a yes or no. Well, I’ll know the result on Wednesday. Let me pass or I’d break someone’s leg. Just kidding! LOL

 

Well I better avoid December for any future exams as everyone is occupied including me. But that was quite a mental challenge. Fingers cross!  ^__^.

 

Dam' it Daisy

December 15, 2012. Saturday At 6.00 P.M. Dam’it Daisy, dam’it!!! Dam’it! I still can’t stop cursing myself! I’ve been cursing myself since I walked out of that door where I had my masteral entrance exam. I wanted to knock my head on the wall. That was a hideous 3 and half hours of exam and I’m not even done yet. I have to go back on Monday morning for the 20 points essay. I lost count but I guess it is a 160-point exam. If I perfect the essay for 20 points, I am still not confident I’d get 100 out of 140. I don’t know what is the passing number of points but I don’t care. I am pissed off at myself. I never hated myself as much as I do right now.

 

My brain was bleeding during the exam. It was painful as hell. Not that I’ve been there but I didn’t even have my lunch!!! I ate my light meal at 11 in the morning and that was my last food intake then I started my exam at 2 p.m. How stupid of me! I felt I lost 2 pounds after. Now I just devoured a 1 and ½ pound- papaya. I’ll eat more in 20 minutes ‘coz I feel drained. I did not feel my empty stomach coz my blood was concentrated in my head. When I finished part 4 of the exam, I felt my head was heavy and I thought I’d fall head first.

 

Obviously I came unprepared. My I.Q. test and Mindmaster books are just sitting in this room doing nothing for 5 years. They were my best buddies during my college years and in a year after. They had kept me sharp when I had my qualifying exam and screening interviews for my part time job while in college, and when I had my mock interview before graduating I made an excellent impression. The best part was applying for my first and second job. Exams went too quick and easy. Answers were like amazing fireworks display in front of me. There was no stress at all and I turned out quite confident for my interviews coz I was sure I nailed the exams. The nerves were easy to overcome. Then I got hired and later found out my exam results were excellent!

 

Now my brain is rusty and dull. It kinda got dried up in 4 years or so. The nature of my work doesn’t offer much analysis but rather meeting so many deadlines and playing actively as front liner in the accounting department, mainly focusing on keeping my lopes organized. I am not underestimating my job either coz it demands a lot of me. I enjoyed its extra busyness and over the years I managed to get busy romancing too. A month ago, I thought about reading through my knowledge books to heat up my mind, to get prepared, but I was too overwhelmed by the series of activities these weeks. I am exhausted. My intended review went out of the window, leaving only in my mind not to forget my intended date of filing my application and taking the exam. Coming to the graduate school today was something special for me but I am somehow convinced I fucked it up. After handing my application and reading the first question on the questionnaire, I was like ‘’Wait a minute. I can’t seem to absorb anything. This is bad. My brain is dead!’’ I continued and stayed focused, trying to isolate myself from the noises in the faculty office – teachers talking and discussing, students/teachers coming in and out, a hyper little boy running and playing around, and my valves gulping blood to my brain. It was a struggle gathering my thoughts as they were fizzling off to the ceiling, disappearing without a trace. That faculty room was the worst place to be when talking any exams. Luckily enough the office went quiet every ones in a while. It took me quite some time to adjust with the situation and condition my mind to what was on hand. But I believe it was not good enough. I never had taken any exams this slow and painful. Ahhhh!!! Daisy, daisy, daisy!!!

 

Ms Anne’s charm did not work out, unfortunately. She’s from the graduate school of education and I am for the management. Also, only the applicants for the doctorate programs are not required for the entrance exam. And she was not required. I always knew I’d have to take the exam though. With my desire giving my best tried shot, I want to stay positive but at the same time I don’t want to keep my hopes so high. I premeditated the result somehow ‘coz I knew my standing when I took it. I can only shake my head, flash a smile and hope for a miracle. My timing was young and today seemed not the best day for it but I hope I’d pass. I’ll start grabbing back my learning books tomorrow and keep pushing further to sharpen my intellect from now on.

 

For now, I need your prayer, blogger…

 

 

Wild Wild West

The Practice, The Final Show, The Repeat Performance, and The Verdict.

 





Dan, dan, dan, da......n!
The last years grand champion has lost it's title!
Regardless the result, it turned out hilarious in a way.
So still, a big congratulation to our group, for a job well done!!!

 

Work Party Party

 

Tiger cub found a mommy on my way to X-mas party.
He is a cute escort, isn't he? LOL
 

A quick shot before everything goes busy and everyone gets too excited!
 

A soviegner photo with my dear sistah and mommy-to-be Thet.
I believe this photo is a goodluck to the three of us.
For the change in course, guys! Cheers! :)
 

My cheeky tablemates!!!
 

Cheers everyone!!!
 

We got an xmas gift from the company -  an oversize black jacket for the ladies. LOL
The quality is sure nice. Thanx!
 

Courtesy by the president's daughter, we all went to a KTV bar. So I did not drink beers coz I'm allergic to it, causing me rashes all over my body for a week each time I drink. And I backed off from Chivas Rival and Black Daniels, otherwise I'd drop on the floor. Alcohol really exhaust me. I need a lifetime to practice drinking. LOL
Well anyway, since I don't sing much in the a big crowd, I instead volunteered to reserve songs for them to sing. Sing for me guys! LOL And there I was, messing with boys playing billiard when I was starting to get bored of myself. LOL

 

Merry Christmas!!!

 

Face Down

by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

12 - 12 - 12

12-12-12. 11 P.M. Today at 12 Noon, I was at our 3rd Christmas party at work since last week. We exchanged gift this time. Most people, if not everyone believe that today is a lucky day, perhaps, perfect for any celebrations. The 121212 luck will come in a longrun with whatever is done today. So everyone is celebrating in their own small and/or big ways. I feel lucky so I’d say I agree with this stuff. I am always quite a believer as far as I know myself anyway.

I remember my father ones said to me, ‘’Sometimes, all you need to do is to believe.’’ I was just a kid by then, puzzled about that phrase so I said ‘’okay’’ and from then on it got stuck in my head trying to figure out it’s meaning and to prove it right. I found it intriguing and myself keeping to prove it right. I can’t remember exactly what our conversation was that led him saying it but I learn to live with it everyday. I just have to believe at what I do and I wont do wrong.

When in doubt, believe in yourself ^__^.

 

 

Bangkok Take Two

Yesterday morning, as soon as I got to work, I bought roundtrip tickets to Bangkok for me and 2 others. I know I said I want to go back there someday but I never thought it anytime soon. For all the places in the world, it is where I am going next month. Unreal but I am looking forward to it. I hope and pray that the trip will go smoothly coz the last time I was to leave my country I have been interrogated as to ‘’who and who and who’’ I was to be with when I get to Bangkok. I expected it so they got all the necessary details they wanted from me and shortly after, they let me board the plane.

 

Hopefully this time, there will be no more holdings/further interrogations, to me or to any of the other 2. May the good heaven will let me have a sweeter trip the second time around. It’ll be a trip among friends of the same nationality so there shouldn’t be any complications with that.

 

Cheers! – For our safe and enjoyable trip ^__^.

Dance The Night

December 10, 2012. Monday. At 10.30 P.M. I got home and before anything else, I just want to sit and feel deeper the very heartwarming moments at the party tonight. During the raffle draws, I received some valuable cash prizes. Adding them all up, my first year tuition for my masteral is fully paid. Oh God, thanx! I never got this much prizes over 5 Christmases at work. I’m never lucky at raffles so I never expect anything big, but I feel so blessed this time. I feel the stars are reaching out on me. That maybe sound a little exaggerated but I can’t find a better way to describe it. I’m teary deep inside.

 

I still have fatigue from late nights for dance/drama practices, tremendous level of focus needed and volume of demands and pressures at this time of the year, parties to attend, and everything going on around me. I’ve been late everyday going to work as I needed an extra hour to sleep to be sound at work. And tonight, I feel Santa rewarded me a gift – a return I never expected. I’m dancing the night!

Merry Christmas Bloggers! ^__^.
 

Care For A Review

The Titanic sank during the company’s Oscars Christmas Party!

 

Our congratulations to the grand champion lastnight who done an exceptional job portraying Titanic in 10 minutes. Our Wild Wild West lost but everything was justifiable. For the record, Wild Wild West is a really worst movie but we presented it in a very entertaining way so we are winners in our hearts.

 

There was a funny thing – I was nominated as one of the best performing artists of the night. Oh relax, relax, I was just a nominee. I didn’t get the prize and it was probably a mistake, perhaps? But that was fun enough!LOL

 

Alright, that’s me up there. Yes, that’s my long evening gown. It’s not my final choice weeks ago but that one above saved me some penny. The VP was giving away her pre-used gowns a day after I had my final design. It’s one of her many gowns from all the events she had them all made!!! I had it altered – opened the back, deepen the neck line, accented laces and added layer for the gown length. And it turned out, just right for my preference. Thanks to my interest in the field of art. I can do make up and hairdo on myself fairly well, too. And thanx to Ms. Ann for offering me to wear her jewelries on me. I'm delighted!

 

I had a good time and I stayed at Ms Anne’s during the night – on the sofa, as usual, as my favourite spot. I woke up with a kitchen noise and found Ms Ann and her son moving about and the pillows all over me and on the floor. That was a good morning! I wished to have slept longer but I can do that later so it’s fine. Now I’m at work and supposedly be filing my application for my masteral this afternoon with Ms Ann but she forgot to tell me she has a meeting which came up the other day. She has a few friends in the uni where I’ll do my masters so she told me she’d go with me when I apply. Hopefully then I don’t have to sit 3 hours for the psychological exam. Very well then, to the next Saturday!

Swim Away

A princess climbed up on a chair and finally recued Nemo from the tower - my closet. He’s been there for quite a while, looking down and singing help.  Now, it’s time for him to swim away to be free before he runs out of breath. There have been versions of Rapunzel fairy tale and this one is the best of all, the fish version LOL

 

It’s December and xmas is coming. It’s terrible for him to be left alone on top of my closet celebrating Christmases. I took him today at work to give him to Remy who has another fish stuffed toy at home. Probably it’s a cute lady fish, I do not know but Nemo will. Oh you, flirty fish! LOL I’m already happy for him to have a warm Christmas this year and in the years to follow.

 

Alright, swim away and dont get drown in the sea! ^__^.

Gamble

November 27, 2007. Tuesday. It was the day I got here in the capital city. I can remember very well despite the dizziness and nausea from being onboard a ship for 3 days and 2 nights and a hostile weather during the last day. I had to stay lying down or I’d throw up. Getting up was no use, I couldn’t even eat. It’s been exactly 5 years since then and I don’t know exactly why I came here.

 

I had a job interview as soon as I got here which went kinda hard for me coz of the dialect and accent difference but I got the job and started working the next week. I could get a decent and well-paying job back in the province but I wanted to get away from everyday nuisance. Having a foreigner boyfriend was a lot to digest over there. Everyone knew each other and I didn’t like to be generally branded as some Asian hooking up with some whites for money. I grew up with pride of what I have and I pitied those who are sick about their lives and themselves. I was proud about my relationship, my first ever. I was 16 and he was 20 when we met online and first met in person when I was 18. Those who came in contact with us together had expressed their admiration about us. We were one of a kind, a genuine pair - so they called. I thanked them. But like most of the young couples, our relationship was doomed to fail. I always thought otherwise but I guessed now I’ve proved myself wrong.

 

I had the peace I needed here in expense of being far from my family. It was a gamble but we always take risk for the things we cared about. I had hours everyday and weekends to spend with him over pc and weeks when he came to visit me. We only had ourselves to mind. Only few heads knew us and my parents were freed from knowing and seeing their daughter getting branded anything not me. I could only care less. The people I cared about are my top priority and I hate it when they get hurt because of me.

 

Now, it is just me and my work here. It’s bizarre. I feel weird a little but it feels right. It has to feel right or I’d be damn. I am still hurt in some ways but it was a good gamble I can’t be sad. I may have invested and lost but I learned much. It was something I should have quitted a long time ago but I do not regret making extensions.  As for him, I will always consider him a friend if he will treat me one. A gamble with a sure wins ‘coz I’m not expendable, no one is. I know he has a lot of things to consider and to think about than me but I’m seriously beyond tired giving considerations. Besides, anyone with kids is usually a better person. So my hands are up and just let him be a man. And as for me, it’s time to be back in the game, a me-game! Roll the dice and cross fingers ^__^.

Never Say Die

Little Good Voice

HYPNOSIS

 

 

 

Plan For The Worst

November 18, 2012. Sunday. At 11:59 P.M. I finally found my way back home. I really hate 2 places with the same name, especially when they’re both in different direction. Or maybe the two share the same road, a shortcut I didn’t know of. I am terribly bad at geography, which seriously I need to learn more. Oh well, I didn’t catch the last trains so I had to take buses. I had it in my guts that I’d be taking the wrong one but I thought to give a try listening to others suggestion. I was already very tired and it took me a while before I realized everything. After a few reviews by observation and memory recall, I knew I must get off the bus on the next stop before it takes me farther to more unknown places and I’d end up alone in the middle of the night. I am confident I’d find my way back home no matter how lost I am, but I am not confident with the evils lurking in the dark and ready to take advantage of the situation. I prayed hard for my safety deep inside. For all I know rape and murder cases here have the same level of punishment - life imprisonment. So if I am to be raped, the rapist would have to kill me after. That is a really common case. And before any of that happens I’d fight up to my last breath. Though, death is inevitable I don’t really want to die that way. Better do something, then. Now I am really exhausted but I can’t sleep, my nerves are still wild. I had all my alerts raised to the maximum level.

 

While I was taking the right bus home, I relaxed a bit and started feeling how vulnerable I can get after being tough out there. My sight became blurry from the tears forming in my eyes. I can never be tough 24/7 and I wondered if there is someone out there who will stand by and protect me in my most vulnerable state. I just wondered. I never expect anyone to do me that favor. I’d rather do it to them. I never learned to expect any favor done for me but rather expect disappointments. I never like disappointments but they prepare me for anything and remind me not to disappoint anyone when and if they need me. I just know the feeling I guess and it’s something I would never wish for anyone to feel. But sometimes, it is necessary to help me push myself for a better me and to help others to push themselves for a better them.

 

Very well then bloggers, let’s hope for the best and plan for the worst ^__^.

 

 

Serious Practice

 

November 15, 2012. Thursday. We just had a very serious dance practice. There are a lot to polish in the acts and executions of the steps. It is more like ‘we-have-to’ kind of thing, so personally, I’m just gonna take the chance to wiggle my tail instead. There is no point getting mad over it and whining about not doing it. Well hopefully, we can keep our title as the grand champion from the last xmas party contest. Prizes are good but this contest is sort of about pride. I wish the management would just put all the money together and split it equally among all employees. Then there is no need for dance practices, drama rehearsals, competitions, bla and bla but I doubt that will ever happen. It already became the company’s tradition during xmas. It’s tiring though, after work we need to practice, and all that. I was late more during this first half of the month. Four times as of today while last month I was only late ones. Alright, I’m putting the blame on the practices for my lates LOL It makes sense anyway. This month is busier though and for the last 3 weeks before party, there will be more practices. So just wiggle instead. :-D

Senses

Staring at my phone I wonder if you will ever call

I called you before but you were too unavailable

You’re either deaf or you have paralyzed hands

Or maybe when it’s my name your eyes become blind

 

I miss you I scream it outside my window

But I can’t hear myself I lost my senses too

I ask the man down below where are you

And why it’s humiliating trying to reach you

 

I’m leaving a note only your heart can apprehend

It’s blank through the naked eye you have to feel it

I can stay but I don’t want to so I have to go

And see you when all your senses are true

 

~ Dizzy ~

 

Tears

A lake is formed in my eyes while I lay myself on my bed
It breaks its way down gently on the curves of my face
I don’t know why or what it’s for or how it got there
All I know is no reason I can find that is considerably sure

I took chances for the things I cared the most
But now I feel stupid for believing their worthiness
Two, three and four more drops on my pillowcase
I feel comforted by the warm caresses of my tears

~ Dizzy ~

Drama

Sometimes in a while I feel something is wrong

What I had is gone and I’m here having fun

I get it I still think you are the missing piece

But I also ask myself if you have been really mine

I could stand by you even if you don’t ask me to

And buy all your drama even when I have doubts

I know the steps and I know you by heart

And I can’t spend my life forever only to play that part

Letting go is never easy to me

But watching you go I knew is quite a view

I know my love in vain in the ass is a pain

But after all I can never let a teardrop fall

Like you I have long roads to take

Crossroads to stand and choices to make

I have my own drama to direct

And watch myself playing as the lead

In a while my thoughts play so fast

You cross my mind I can’t shake you off

Just another scene that must go on

It may rain or shine I must be ready to roll

 

~ Dizzy ~

 

Refreshment

LIFE is a Refreshment,

Enjoy it!


~ Dizzy ~

This One for X-mas

 

So I have convinced myself I'm gonna wear this during the company's christmas party.
Mmmmm I am wondering how it's going to look on me.
Hopefully with justice!
It should fit on me well. ^__^.

Touch Me Not

I’m a bit nervous but not anxious

I’m in a big place and I’m amaze

On my first step I’m roaring happiness

I have more space to run wild and free

Go gazelle, i’m just right here!

Amidst the glassy classy lights here in Ortigas

I am burning with much desire in my heart

Music of different beats and rhymes i hear

They are blending very well in my ear

From learning stocks to this comfortable spot

I suit myself with fries, coke float and my notebook

People look at me scribbling as i eat

But I can only be proud with my awful penmanship

Tonight can’t be any better

It’s a time to savour and feel

But now i must move and to the last train be onboard

~ Dizzy ~

November 8, 2012. Thursday. Guess who? Me! I’ve escaped work for half a day and skipped dance practice for today. In exchange, i got free education about stocks and I’ll have more on Monday. Welcome to the world with only one rule. ‘’What you don’t know, you don’t touch.’’

 

Mmmm touch me not?! ^__^.

It's A Treat

November 5, 2012. Monday. Going back to work after holiday is quite hard. Most people feel that way and today is awfully depressing for me.  For four days, i was at Ms Anne’s watching her house like a hawk – not really like a hawk but rather like Garfield, the lazy fat cat! Oh how i love to be one every ones in a while. They went for a trip and it was my pleasure to be the watch since i’ve no plan for the holiday. My roommates were gone to their respective homes, and me, well i can handle myself. I can just sit around and fantasize all day if i want to. i love it when i have a moment alone - literally alone, and i don’t mind when i’m the center of attraction. Whichever comes available!

 

Then, i had my moment. I watched tv a lot, like i never had one my entire life. I slept late, woke up early and watched tv. I nearly broke the remote from switching channels countless times a day. You cant blame me ‘coz back at my place, i and my two roommates only had a small old tv with one annoying local channel available and with a broken remote control. Oh, those tiny control buttons on the tv are nowhere to be found too. And guess what, the whole thing is no longer working for months! I rejoiced when the tv finally gave up though. i hated it. It was totally annoying just having it around. Well, with a huge flat screen with all channels available, why not see what there is to see ‘til i get sick of them. LOL it hurt my eyes though!

 

The bed was too huge for me, so i fitted myself in the sofa where i hangout a lot, a hell lot. i hangout on the bed too for more space to twist and turn when im reading a book. I have another book written by John Grisham called ‘’A time to Kill’’. I missed to have a proper kitchen, like back home at my parents, so it felt nice i felt home. I was living in a fantasy for a while, having my own flat, my own house with an air-conditioned room.WOW!!! Someday, i’m gonna own something like that! It was inspiring to be there. I am ambitious by nature but i know my limitations and my capacity. At least i believe i know. ‘’Very well then, Daisy, work your ass off!’’ C’mon, i am already. One at a time, baby, alright. LOL

It’s lazy time ^__^.

 

Before i left work today, i watched ‘’ The Walking Dead Season 3 Episode 2’’, on my desk. I love that series and i’ve been following each episodes. I was on my headphones listening to it and somewhere in the middle of watching, i got carried away. I screamed my head off and nearly bolted off my chair! I was like screaming for my life and 4 of my officemates who were also still around at 7.30 pm, all looked to my direction asking me what the hell is going on. I just burst out laughing, apologizing for that unearthy scream for nothing. When it was over, i left my desk with a foolish smile i cant get rid off my face. i had giggles about the scene i made when i screamed. Sorry guys, i freaked you out in the middle of silence and at the same time, thank you, it made my day!LOL

Oh, for Halloween, I had this!

It's a treat! ^__^.

Catching Up With Bros

November 4, 2012. Sunday. Im back in my place and i could give my bed a hug if i could. I missed it but i had fun away for a while. Last Thursday, i met my brother who got home from Doha, his wife and my niece. I was carrying my niece the whole time i was with them. She is a little over 5 months old now. I love her even if she keeps drooling on my arm, on my shoulder, all over me LOL It was nice catching up!

 

There was more catching up the following day with my 2 elder brothers. This time, there was just the 3 of us. And all i can say is, ‘’the older you get, the more passionate you become.’’ Two thumbs up to that ^__^.

 

Daddy

November 2, 2012. Thursday. While i was sitting-pretty during this holiday, i’ve been meaning to call home ‘coz i felt something was not nice back there after i texted my mother yesterday. Before noon, i got a call from my brother and i learned my father had a problem in his prostate. His medical result came up two days ago. All i said on the phone was ‘‘shit!’’ i hated it whenever i get a bad feeling, it never fails me. Sometimes i wish it fails me but somehow it prepares me from getting shocked of any news i get. I just pray it’s not serious or not going to be serious. Next week, he will be in the other city for another check up to clarify it and for more advice.

Any fool can be a father,

But it takes a real man to be a daddy!

I have so many good times with my father. I don’t have a bad memory so i can perfectly remember everything like each of those moments just happened a day ago. I take pride of having him as my father and i always hope wellness for him. My most favourite moment when i was a kid was, whenever there is no banking hours (during weekends or holidays) and he is on duty, the bank where he works becomes my playground. He’d take me there and i’d start messing with a typewriter to learn the keys or computer to play games or television to watch any movies. The best one for me that time was the typewriter. I thought that was really fun striking all those keys, shouting for his help, typing as much letters as i can by my tiny fingers, and showing the filled paper to my mother when we get home. He would watch me doing a good job and then, we eat our meals together. He always takes me at work whenever he gets a chance and i always give a salute gesture to the rest of the bankguards there. As i grew up, i have so much respect to every security guards and to me they are all my friends. To where i work now, i sometimes give same gesture to them. It always makes me feel good in a very unique way. They salute back and they even do it right upon seeing me coming. Fantastic!

 

My father is my first ever man in my life. In the future i would only settle with someone who is man enough for me and who my father believes i can only be truly happy with.

 

To my father, ‘’Sometimes you are stubborn but you’ve been always the best daddy for me and will always be. I learned so much from you and acquired some of your stubbornness, both i would never exchange for anything. I am glad you are less stubborn for quite a while. I guess it is really true, that the older you get, the more compassionate you become. Anyway, you will be just fine. Anything you need, u don’t have to ask, u just have to tell and we got it.’’