Change Of Heart

New Year is fast approaching and at some points I feel…anxious. I never like that word, anxious, so whenever I start feeling it, I always end up figuring it out, defining it at my best. There is a lot for me to look forward to in 2013 but there is a piece of me wanting to stay in 2012. I know I can’t live in the past so I’ll have a change of heart.

 

The thing I wanted to work out, did not work out, but I wished it ended properly, at least in a friendly manner. It would have been easy to deal with, like the first, second and third time we broke up, but I guess there was no easy way to do it permanently. The way it ended was harsh and painful. It took him a month to spell it out and it took me a month pretending and hanging on it was not what it was going to be. I wished our week in Bangkok was better, like a short sweet goodbye trip, ending our relationship there. It sounds wishful and maybe pretentious but our relationship deserved to have a quality time together in person. I knew that week could be a make or break, and it turned out to be a break. Right after it was his silence and turning of his back, without the magic word to me. I was left out and insulted. I never thought, loving can be insulting ‘til then. Then clarity came, though late, I said okay. I always prefer that. Maybe I’ll be hurt more in the future than I already was, but I’d rather take the chance. Being hopeful works but not in all thing. The same it goes to tying a knot at the end of the rope to hang on. Well experiences, no matter what they are, are always lessons to be learned. So 2013, here I come!

 

 

It’s been a few months and though I have an excellent memory, it really is still hard to remember any good things from all those years. But that video above really got me. He made it himself some time in 2010 and surprised me with it. I can still remember, how happily tearful I was. I’d like to post it here çoz I love it, I love arts, and I’m not sure ‘til when I’d have this and the rest of our files. So as a token for love, there it is, his lovely present for me.

 

Tomorrow is my birthday and sure is my New Year, a little earlier than what’s New Year in the calendar. I wish myself more strength and clearer mind to do things right and to get through anything. When the New Year starts unfolding, I will start working out another thing. Hopefully it will work just fine. May the good spirits be always with me ^__^.