Gamble

November 27, 2007. Tuesday. It was the day I got here in the capital city. I can remember very well despite the dizziness and nausea from being onboard a ship for 3 days and 2 nights and a hostile weather during the last day. I had to stay lying down or I’d throw up. Getting up was no use, I couldn’t even eat. It’s been exactly 5 years since then and I don’t know exactly why I came here.

 

I had a job interview as soon as I got here which went kinda hard for me coz of the dialect and accent difference but I got the job and started working the next week. I could get a decent and well-paying job back in the province but I wanted to get away from everyday nuisance. Having a foreigner boyfriend was a lot to digest over there. Everyone knew each other and I didn’t like to be generally branded as some Asian hooking up with some whites for money. I grew up with pride of what I have and I pitied those who are sick about their lives and themselves. I was proud about my relationship, my first ever. I was 16 and he was 20 when we met online and first met in person when I was 18. Those who came in contact with us together had expressed their admiration about us. We were one of a kind, a genuine pair - so they called. I thanked them. But like most of the young couples, our relationship was doomed to fail. I always thought otherwise but I guessed now I’ve proved myself wrong.

 

I had the peace I needed here in expense of being far from my family. It was a gamble but we always take risk for the things we cared about. I had hours everyday and weekends to spend with him over pc and weeks when he came to visit me. We only had ourselves to mind. Only few heads knew us and my parents were freed from knowing and seeing their daughter getting branded anything not me. I could only care less. The people I cared about are my top priority and I hate it when they get hurt because of me.

 

Now, it is just me and my work here. It’s bizarre. I feel weird a little but it feels right. It has to feel right or I’d be damn. I am still hurt in some ways but it was a good gamble I can’t be sad. I may have invested and lost but I learned much. It was something I should have quitted a long time ago but I do not regret making extensions.  As for him, I will always consider him a friend if he will treat me one. A gamble with a sure wins ‘coz I’m not expendable, no one is. I know he has a lot of things to consider and to think about than me but I’m seriously beyond tired giving considerations. Besides, anyone with kids is usually a better person. So my hands are up and just let him be a man. And as for me, it’s time to be back in the game, a me-game! Roll the dice and cross fingers ^__^.