Clean Up (poem)

A Clean up is a process of eliminating 1 folder by the use of 3 keys in the keyboard – shift, delete and enter, all at the same time, then strike ‘’yes’’, to killer delete all files containing the folder and itself. And that was exactly what I just did. All other files remain in my oldest email I no longer use which deactivates automatically in a few months. I believe this is the right time to do it. I’m still sad in a way but there are a lot more I feel than sadness alone. Though it was a lot to go through all our files one last time, I don’t want to just delete them without having a solemn moment – you know like when you burry something, you pay respect by saying a proper goodbye.

''I may be happy each time we talk but our previous and last few conversations make me growl whenever I read or see. My heart turns too fierce and unforgiving and I don’t want it that way. I don’t deserve to feel that way nor you deserve my rage at least with my love guarding you from it. Thank you for not bothering me so here is my farewell thru this post and collage I made as our memory.''

 

For those obvious and busted cover ups

Wandering mind and waiting heart

It’s easy to seek pleasure in pain

And to rejoice expecting lesser than less

For the multiple tainted trust and love

My heart now wears a frowning face

Frankly questioning my inner self

Why on earth I carried on so much

For the childish and silly part of me

There’s a habit that is hard to break

The price of the choice I made

That makes me better in many ways

For the proof less years of illusion in my head

On this only remain anyone could see u and me

Of a young love that has always been young

That I still treasure even up to the very end

For every line, every corner and every space

There lays everything that’s been shared

From best to poor and forth they matter

`Coz experiences, indeed, are lessons learned.

~ Dizzy ~

Deleted files: All files. All sort of photos, videos, docs – of him, me, on and off webcams, us together, kinky and fun moments, gifts/surprises, family, friends, places, his son, scanned scrapbook pages, projects, searches, shared old ones, reminders, letter, and the plan list idea which ended on number 3 the trip (following work and budgeting/saving). Planning was never for us, serious or not, but rather living life one day at a time. I don’t want to end up disrespecting any of those files whenever I see them so now they are all successfully deleted, at least in my eyes.

Que serra serra. May both our hearts and minds have peacefulness we need, to pursue what we desire and to do the things we could not do and we are not willing to do while we were together. Cheers to the next bunch of files!!!