Through Thai Goodbye

Sending my dear sister in law to the airport.
Her flight was 11 hrs ahead than mine.
My very best goodluck is with her. ''I'll see you soon!'''

Time for my check out.
Going on my own.
A safe journey for me.



Bangkok Thru My Lense

 

We were just passing through Thailand, staying barely for three days. But since we were already there, why not have a look and a taste of it. Though communication is quite a battle for those who do not speak their language, they have a vibrant city, a different one, from my country, from any other countries, just sitting there and waiting to be explored. For a very short stay, we played the role. We went to see what there is to see and try what there is to try at the moment that we can. And we did a good job passing through. ^__^.

 

 

Tres Marias Minus One

 

 

We went to the marble temple with an admission fee of 20/pax bhat, the reclining buddha temple for 100/pax bhat with free 500 ml bottled water and to the grand palace for 500 bhat/pax. We dropped by to other places in between but we stayed longer in those particular places. We didn’t go to the floating market where we can supposedly ride elephant and stuff like that, ‘coz time wasn’t enough plus it will cost us more as well. We didn’t want a very tight tour schedule at that moment coz it’s not the main reason of being there. Anyway, it’s in another city about 40mins to an hour from Bangkok. Boat rental is 1,200 bhat and for sure the elephant ride won’t be for free. And if we see something we’d like, oh my, our pockets were not prepared LOL So we decided to skip the floating market. We can go there during the next visit in Thailand and its Bangkok to skip by then. What we had for that day was great and fun enough. We skipped the night market as well, which opens at 4 pm, and where they said is the best place to buy lots of stuffs cheaply yet in good qualities. Jeab, our Thai taxi driver/tour guide, who can speak english, took us to the MBK center instead. Personally, I already found everything there. Amazing how that building has been set up and organized. There, we got souvenirs for ourselves and for friends. Just a few. It’s a 6 storey building so we strolled around, spending 3 hours and some reasonable amount of cash. Best buys! We had fun. It was a stressfree tour and more like a personalized one. Jeab would jsut drop us to one spot and return on time as we all agreed to meet and leave for the next stop. Not bad for 2,200 Bhat worth of day tour private package, when we got home safe and sound after having fun.

 

Cheers bloggers, next stop abroad, Hongkong! Seeya!

 

Keeping My Prospective

January  26, 2013. Saturday. 1 PM. I am very thankful for my safe and sound travel. I was welcomed home with a rain. I liked it. Though there was a little shake before landing, everything went smooth for me. When I checked out, there was a bus bound to the capital city right away! As tired and sleepy as I was, I was relieved with that fact. I got to my place at 5.15 A.M., fell asleep ‘til 9 and missed coming to work in the morning. I was a train wreck. There’s so much to deal with at work these weeks so I’ve been coming home at 9-10 pm, and sleeping at 1-2 am since then. ‘Till now, I feel I haven’t recovered from exhaustion but I will use this weekend for that. I finally have enrolled for my MBA last Wednesday morning before coming to work. I was delighted, looking forward for my classes. My 3 classes will be every Saturday, whole day from 8am-6.30pm, commencing next Saturday. They said, it won’t be as tight as it looks. But for me, it doesn’t really matter coz I usually work from 9am-9pm everyday for 5 years. I didn’t even know how I was able to manage everything. I should give thanks to my ’will’, I’d say. Sometimes, I whine as we all do, but I’m used to tight schedules and I’m organized, I’d say too!LOL Without a relationship to maintain, I seem to have so much spare time to spend on anything, not something that is ‘come and go’ but rather long term. It keeps my prospective looking ahead unshakable. ^__^.

Taking Its Toll

January 21, 2013. Monday. 7.50 PM. BKK time. At the boarding gate. Boarding is in 30 minutes and I can’t help but feel depressed in a way or two. My eyes are tired and heavy, filled with water ready to burst anytime at this very exact moment. As much as I want to refuse recalling previous memories, the more they rattle in my head in an uncontrollable way. Maybe because, somehow I wished for my second time here to be ours to enjoy but I’m skeptical for a different result. For my disappointments to be twisted around but there is nothing I can do nor he can do. For another try to be willingly tried but my will has long died though. My nonsense wishes! I never had thought I’d ever lost hope on anything but some things such as this does not deserve that much. Even hope when too much, is bad for anyone.

I did not feel anything special when I first got here in Bangkok çoz being abroad 9 months earlier than today did not excite me. It was more like technical stuffs for me. Maybe if the circumstance was different, I would have been jumping and tumbling around with my excitements. What I was looking forward back then was spending time with him away from everything. But what I thought of spending time differently, was never different at all. Unfortunately, it was a lame week at the end. Being here the second time though, made me realized that I look after on almost everything so much, doing favor, doing my best to care and to understand, giving positive reasons why. Even when things seem unreasonable, I seek for good reasons. What a shame, it makes anyone care a lot less about me ‘coz I can seem to handle any, huh! But even the strongest wall has a tiny crack, and could fall. Do I need to mess up myself, for anyone to care about me and to not hurt me? Why not rather be always there, ready to catch me incase I’d fall? Or when things are no longer bearable, taking its toll on me? Why cant he, when I evidently can? I need to turn my back and walk away even if I don’t want to coz it’s already beyond enough. Dam’it, why and why this kind of feeling did not die? Now I carry the same heavy heart, shed the same tears at the same airport…. It began here, it must end here. It’s probably one of the reasons why I’m here, again.

Refuse To Dwell

January 21, 2013. Monday. 5.30 PM. BKK time. Two hours had passed which I didn’t notice, I’m glad. I got occupied reading a book. In about an hour I will check in, I had no lunch yet, but I can feel no hunger coz I still have the pain in my head. I had dried plum and almond chocolate anyway, and the banging songs in my ears had overpowered the throbbing pains. It always help. I’m playing another waiting game here and there is so much to dwell about this airport, but I’d rather disappoint myself. My favorite, I’d say LOL So I learned that from my destination airport, the bus to the city leaves at 5.30 am. Oh my, oh my! I didn’t bother to know beforehand but I will see what I can do when I land there. I need to be at work the usual time, 8.45 AM at least. Oh my, oh my! But for now, I’m scolding myself to grab something to eat. Alright, I’m on my feet. LOL

 

 

Mission Accomplished

January 21, 2013. Monday. 11 am. BKK time. Aww…. I’m having a headache. I hope its gone before I check out. I just had my breakfast downstairs, alone today, then bought two 1.5 liters of water to hydrate myself. My body was deprived of water during the trip and I need to regularize my body temp before my headache gets worst. I took a nap when I got back here to the hotel and 2 hrs is good enough for now. Later, I will surely be a wreck. Yesterday was exhausting but really fun. We enjoyed the place with ease. Now, I am still here in Thailand, alone, with no one to run to in case any trouble will arise. Isn’t that weird? But this is expected and I think I will be fine, so I should be fine. I wanted to go outside today, try the subways over here or something but I can’t coz I need to reserve my energy for later. Looks like I’ll have to save my documentary interest some other time instead, coz my focus now is going home, that the mission of coming here has been accomplished plus we made most of our time in the process. Nailed it!!!

Bittersweet

January 21, 2013. Monday. 6.20 AM. BKK time. Status: At starbucks in bkk airport, having double choc muffin and hot coffee latte. I got here at 5am with my sister in law who will fly to Oman in 2 hrs from now. It took a while before she was checked in coz of some confirmation to be made first by the airline/agency in Oman. We separated ways when confirmed. She was on her way to pass the Thai immig. security and I, on my way to fill my felt empty stomach. I am to wait until she’s fully settled at the boarding area before I return to the hotel. Thanks God, that right after I ordered something to eat, I got her message of overwhelming thankfulness and feeling of walking on the clouds towards the waiting area ready to board the plane. It made my order even more pleasing in my eyes. A bittersweet order for a bittersweet day! I’ll head back to the hotel when I’m stuffed with these, to get as much rest as I can. I only slept for 2hrs before we came here and it’s a long long way for me to go from here to my place and straight back to work shortly. May I always have a safe and sound trip. Ciao, for now!^__^

Balance It Out

January 19, 2013. Saturday. 2 PM. Status: Happy with the turn out. At midnight last night, we were checked in to our booked accommodation. We were so delighted the hotel booking didn’t go wasted. Leth was happy too. Our hotel room is huge and we love it. Oh, the 24-hr free wifi is great. We stay connected to worrying friends and family. It saves us from expensive roaming services LOL We did not miss the hotel buffet breakfast for our own benefit, and then went to a convenient store nearby to get what we need for the stay. Planning to go outside, we instead made a booking for a whole day private tour tomorrow within Bangkok or anywhere else outside if we wish. Its better coz it will lessen the cost, effort and time, and to secure our safety while we roam around. Though sadness about Leth being left behind is still in the air, we will do something to balance that, maybe get a warm bath or enjoy the hotel swimming pool or explore outside or all of that, whichever follows the other. Alright girls (minus 1), lets get started!!!

January 19, 2013. Saturday. 11.30 PM. English words and characters do not really work much here, in majority. But being with someone laidback though emotional, is well, a very good company. Today, we had some good and funny moments, at some points, they were hilarious. We messed around the hotel swimming pool and then together wandered to an unknown til we didn’t know where to go. When we got hungry, we ordered dinner in a local restaurant. It was a struggle to order but the food was lovely. Tomorrow we will have a thai taxi driver who can speak English with us, and as early as now, that is an enormous relief!

Fallen Comrade

January 18, 2012. Friday. 8.30 pm. Seconds before our flight status was to change from on-time to boarding, we still waited for Leth. Then we saw her going to the opposite direction where we were. She was sent for further interrogation, then flight status changed to ‘’delayed’’. Thirty minutes later, I turned off my phone roaming services and called her, only to find out she went hysterical. Then she came out crying and my sister in law, who is always emotional, cried as well. They hugged in tears and in disappointments, saying their painful goodbye. They are close. But what it is is what it is and we need to get going at that moment. I couldn’t help but shed a couple of tears watching them and saying sorry about it. She badly wants to come with us and spend some time in Bangkok with us. But she didn’t pass the very tight Immig. Security here. We had to leave and be glad about the delayed flight, giving us some time to talk and say bye-bye just before boarding.

 

It was very sad having one of us 3 being left behind and miss the fun. And though, it says ‘’you never leave a fallen comrade behind’’, we will do our best to enjoy our time so Leth wont be hurt more than she already is right now, in a bus heading back home. With my sister in law being emotional, I am the only one capable of handling the situation better. I had to stand up for us, to finish what has been started, to lighten up heavy hearts, and to ease troubled minds. Over the clouds, halfway to Bangkok, may we have ease with everything when we land.

 

I just finished writing a simple authorization letter on my ‘’to do list’’ notepad, where I had Leth signed at the bottom, with her ID in my possession. Our hotel booking was under only to her name, booked by her fiancée for us 3, for free. On this ball of my pen, driven by my hopeful soul, is a prayer that this letter be honored when we arrived at the hotel.

Damn Feeling

January 18, 2013. Friday. 2pm. In a shuttle bus to an international airport up in the north (Subic), for 2 and a half hour. I am one of those people who can’t lean-and-sleep anywhere so while the 2 girls are taking a nap, here I am on my note pad. About an hour ago, the couple (my big bro and his wife) said their ‘’see you soon’’ to each other at the bus station. There were no tears but sadness and hopefulness were evident. It was very emotional more than how it appeared. I can relate to the damn kind of feeling. I do. And behind these sunglasses I wear, are my teary eyes too, from the moment I witnessed and from the moment I reminisced. By the passing vehicles of all sorts, beautiful trees and everything, I am happy to be talking with my book here, the broker.

 

Excited Much

January 17, 2013. Thursday. 10:30 P.M. I need a little moment before I go to sleep tonight. I just stuffed my bag pack for tomorrow’s trip. I’m coming back to you Thailand! It’s just now that I feel this upcoming trip. My week has been super busy and the moment I left work at 8.30 tonight, my feet were still on-the-run. Thanks to the peacefulness of this monumental walled city - Intramuros, it helps calm my nerves each time I pass the gate and walk home. Tomorrow is another busy day but unrelated to work and I must say that right now I’m looking forward to it - taking trains, buses, planes, or simply having my bag pack right on my back! It doesn’t really matter where; I just want to loose some adrenaline. Oh gosh girl, you got an itch right on the souls of your feet! LOL. Now that I have everything I need, I am ready to scout.

 

‘’My beloved guardian angel, please keep me under your protective wings, as I ones again step farther outside my comfort zone.’’

 

To a safe and happy trip, cheers bloggers! ^__^.

 

 

Good Morning

Hey, hello, good morning to you

This Sunday morning feels new

All the nerves are calmly settled

And sleeping is more restful everyday

Flashbacks are still regular even now

But my responses become rare and special

Mental wars no longer make sense

But at some points I’m bored without them

I stretch my arms to hug myself

Saying, ‘’Good morning!’’ under my sheets

Now I write as one of those many ways

To lessen my overflowing extra energies

An irreplaceable solitude I find in here

A great historian of my life’s quest

It’s whatever I want it to be

Now, I gotta make my day!

 

~ Dizzy ~

 

Blending Breakfast

Last December, over the last Christmas party among many parties, I got kitchen stuffs. I got a turbo and a blender. I wished for a blender from the Santa guy who was to give me a gift for ‘’the exchange gift’’. I was to buy one myself but what’s the wish list for, so right there and then my wish was granted and I got a blender. And I am very happy about it.

After holiday, I started using it and today is my 8^th day having my breakfast in a glass. I make veggie and fruit smoothie every morning when I wake up. I ‘’sneak and pick’’ in the refrigerator what I would like to throw into my blender, first thing in the morning. Since Saturday, I’ve tried two kinds of lettuce, the reddish one and Romanian. Romanian lettuce taste better but the reddish one has a lot of vitamins so I usually use both at the same time. Cucumber taste sooooo lovely and I’m very surprised about it. I’ve tried adding on carrots, celery, parsley, mint leaves, pakchoy, apples, pears, sour fruit, lemon/kalamansi, tomatoes and strawberries. It’s the season of strawberries right now in Baguio, the summer capital of the country, so I had lots of them in my blender the whole week. It’s the season for mangoes here too so I bought a kilogram of them today. And for easy morning routine, I already have them in my freezer, peeled and cutted. And oh, throwing in at least half an inch of slice red beets, gives my morning green smoothie looking pretty. I like playing with colors too!

Since I left home and started working, my diet became awful and started gaining weight. I gained about 20 pounds and it was around first half of 2011 when I felt it undesirable and sworn to myself I will lost it and I successfully did. I got my prize, I dropped to a hundred pounds at the end of the same year. Now I’m maintaining 5 pounds higher, I like it better and it’s not bad for a 5’2 like me, though sometimes I like to drop it for some fun. LOL. I want to be healthy and feel healthy, and now I feel I have succeeded in my quest trying to incorporate healthy foods into my diet in a best possible way. With my blender, not only it comes so simple, it also is very fun. My new best friend I will never get rid off, ever. I’ve thought of it before and I’d say now - it’s perfect! Last night, I got my parents a present, a set of 21-piece magic bullet (blender, grinder, juicer, all together). I’ll teach them magic when I go visit them.

So here’s to 2013, a glass of healthy smoothie everyday!

New Lope

It’s my last working Saturday of the year. The following Saturdays starting next month will be spent for my MBA classes. Enrollment will start next week and I have everything I’d need so I’ll enroll when I get back from Thailand. I’m wondering how it feels like when I step back in the BKK airport. Bizarre, probably. But right now, I am already very delighted to be there again and I just can’t wait to spend my time there with the two girls. A few more sleep girls and we’ll be there!

I’ve been very very busy and it seems so hard to figure out how on earth I am this busy. Regardless the question, I am rather overwhelmed with that realization. Maybe because I was already used to working the lopes around my focus no matter how intoxicating they were. Changing focus is very challenging and since I like challenge, I’m on it. Here I am now, surveying around my new focus, working my new intoxicating yet exciting lopes.

I’m trying to tighten my finances but I only get bored. I always get bored if I don’t take chances presented before me. Well, invites are always very hard for me to disregard. But the good thing is, I can seem to always pull everything in together when it gets messy. I guess I am also one of those people who lives with the principle of…

‘’It doesn’t matter whether you start things wrong, as long as you always end things right.’’

…Now, I have quite a long list of trips scattered all throughout the year. It’s crazy but fun. With my full time work plus unfailing overtimes almost everyday and my MBA program, so help me God. According to my guts, everything will go smoothly, so that’s how things will be.

I Smile

They say, ‘’Do not think the things you don’t have to think.’’ But I seem still facing the same dilemma here. I no longer have nothing to do with my ‘’past’’ relationship, not that there was really something I had to do about it right after it ended, but the thought of it all irritates me. It does, right now, at this very moment. I know, I know, how it appears in my mind is totally up to me. Gosh!!! What kind of habit that is - probably a bad one, and I feel like cursing everyone and crying at the same time. Bitches!!!

Now, my feelings are on the loose. I’m sorry blogger for being my stress wall, I smash anything at you. I’m really tired, very tired and very upset, waking all my senses. I’ve been better and I just can’t allow these feelings trouble me anyhow. So cheers to these mad feelings anyway.

 

One Last Breath

Clean Up (poem)

A Clean up is a process of eliminating 1 folder by the use of 3 keys in the keyboard – shift, delete and enter, all at the same time, then strike ‘’yes’’, to killer delete all files containing the folder and itself. And that was exactly what I just did. All other files remain in my oldest email I no longer use which deactivates automatically in a few months. I believe this is the right time to do it. I’m still sad in a way but there are a lot more I feel than sadness alone. Though it was a lot to go through all our files one last time, I don’t want to just delete them without having a solemn moment – you know like when you burry something, you pay respect by saying a proper goodbye.

''I may be happy each time we talk but our previous and last few conversations make me growl whenever I read or see. My heart turns too fierce and unforgiving and I don’t want it that way. I don’t deserve to feel that way nor you deserve my rage at least with my love guarding you from it. Thank you for not bothering me so here is my farewell thru this post and collage I made as our memory.''

 

For those obvious and busted cover ups

Wandering mind and waiting heart

It’s easy to seek pleasure in pain

And to rejoice expecting lesser than less

For the multiple tainted trust and love

My heart now wears a frowning face

Frankly questioning my inner self

Why on earth I carried on so much

For the childish and silly part of me

There’s a habit that is hard to break

The price of the choice I made

That makes me better in many ways

For the proof less years of illusion in my head

On this only remain anyone could see u and me

Of a young love that has always been young

That I still treasure even up to the very end

For every line, every corner and every space

There lays everything that’s been shared

From best to poor and forth they matter

`Coz experiences, indeed, are lessons learned.

~ Dizzy ~

Deleted files: All files. All sort of photos, videos, docs – of him, me, on and off webcams, us together, kinky and fun moments, gifts/surprises, family, friends, places, his son, scanned scrapbook pages, projects, searches, shared old ones, reminders, letter, and the plan list idea which ended on number 3 the trip (following work and budgeting/saving). Planning was never for us, serious or not, but rather living life one day at a time. I don’t want to end up disrespecting any of those files whenever I see them so now they are all successfully deleted, at least in my eyes.

Que serra serra. May both our hearts and minds have peacefulness we need, to pursue what we desire and to do the things we could not do and we are not willing to do while we were together. Cheers to the next bunch of files!!!

 

Minutes Before New Year

January 1, 2013. Tuesday. 10 P.M. I just settled myself back here in the big city. I barely had rest since I left Saturday but I had a great time. My brother Jay drove back here his newly bought starex van for again, 2 days. With my father with him, was very nice but ‘’whew!’’ I’m starting to feel relieved that I missed the road trip fun lol On Sunday; we all met up together, hanged out and watched a movie on cinema theater, Hobbit, in 3D.

Plus the stolen shot I took of them while I was in the queue buying tickets.
Quite a picture!



Thanks to her daddy for the cool shots, then she’ll have thousands of photos when she turns 1 year old LOL
And oh, the freshly tattooed arm with his child’s name is awesome!



I can’t wish my December be any better,‘coz it was at its best.
So as I blew my birthday candle light off in the New Year’s Eve, were my heartfelt thankfulness and hopeful prayers for what my heart desires.



Happy New Year Blogger!!! ^__^.

A Yearbook For My Birthday (poem)

I was very much in love in the first quarter

But confusion was bold in the second

It was quite a soul searching in the third

And clarity was figured in the frenzy fourth.

It was sure a crazy and an amazing ride for this year

A ride worth taking a huge and sharp turning point

It was something with red, orange and green

A highway that has challenged the best tiger in me

Another yearbook is added in my mausoleum

And on this day a new one is on the making

‘’Hooray!’’It’s like being born again

A Happy Happy Birthday to me!

 

~ Dizzy ~

 

December 28, 2012. Friday. It’s the last working day of the year, in my working calendar. Birthday greetings from the moment I woke up til the rest of the day. A birthday cake was given to me as a gift at work which was shared by everyone. No celebrations yet at work as I insisted it to be right after new year’s and there was a mini new year party celebration thrown by the company president anyway.

 

Being caught right in between Christmas day and New Year’s Day, I learned to celebrate my birthday by relaxation, different from most days of the month. It’s one of my me-times, a special one, which I gladly had after work today. On the New Years Eve, as usual, I’ll have my cake - my pick, with a lighted candle to wish upon and blow, as I welcome another hopeful year. Cheers! ^__^.