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October 6, 2013. Sunday. 11:15 P.M. I don’t know where to start writing among many different thoughts amounting in my head but I think I have to start from the top of my priorities. Alright, work first since I need in-flows to help me meet the second in line and the others. Work is going better with the new accounting system which I consider as my deed in the company. Although these past few months, I really find my work boring. And lately it’s getting worst and I am always tempted to tender my resignation right away. But I’m trying to hold on, keeping a positive mind ‘til this year is over. I have to stick to my plan. For now, I want to enjoy some time at work without much pressure using the new system. Besides, I had drawn blood and sweat for that with the two IT guys I had been working side by side. These two I really get along with and I really enjoy technical stuffs anyway. One of them I really like (crush-like) and lately whenever we talk he seemed to have some kind of spark when I look in his eyes. It wasn’t like before but I totally love it hahaha Anyway I was thinking, maybe he misinterpreted my coolness around him. I had no idea how I affected him ‘til the other guy joked about me to not ruin his friend’s life. I thought it was hilarious and I literally laughed my head off. Hahaha I’m such a girl right now- infatuated! ^__^ I can be as silly as I can be!!! But anyway, it’s not my priority right now. Crushes are good but that’s all I can afford as of the moment. Also, I’m making a big move next year and I don’t want anything or anyone interrupting me in whatever ways. I’m crossing my fingers now for a good luck! I told Steve about me having a crush. He was happy of course as I will be happy for him if he was dating although, yes, as I told him, I’d pray they’d eventually break up and he will be single for me again Haha How silly and selfish!!! Kidding aside, the chances for us is very slim and maybe no chance at all to even try us in the first place, unless I am in the USA or he is in Asia which is quite an effort so better not to put any pressure at all. Besides I do love his company and I think I’d still adore him however we are.

 

Three Saturdays ago, I registered for my MBA’s 3^rd trimester which will formally start next Saturday. I have a feeling I will be under a lot of pressure all the way to January but I believe I’ll get through it. It’s funny when I got my grades yesterday ‘coz the highest I got was for my research class. Sometimes it pays off when you had thought of the worst possible scenario, it prepares you and if worst doesn’t happen then its heaven! I got 1.25 and it does feel like heaven baby! Cheers!!!

 

Yesterday, my mother teased me again not to forget to get married. And I just laughed it away. I had never thought of marriage for like a decade. My ex never believe in marriage- he despised it, so I had no reason to fantasize ever marrying him, although I did believe we could conquer the world. It was a very hard battle but I did give my best and noble fight. Now, every fight is a chicken shit compared to it. I’d like to think he is a happy and proud daddy by now. I really hope he is. Moving on, I was really touched about what my eldest brother said to me ones. He said, ‘’things like that (right guy for me and marriage) will come to you in time, you just have to wait and see and when it comes you make it work and you don’t fuck it up.’’ Awww I love you bigbro! He teased me about marriage before but never again after I told him last year that my relationship was finally over. He is always that sensitive and caring brother to me. I wish my future behalf is as caring as my eldest brother, as responsible as my father and as loving as my mother. I can handle the rest haha ^__^. I remember back in college, I was asked during the mock interview how I see myself when I am 30 years old. And I said, I think when I turn 30 I am already married to a loving husband, I have 2 kids (a boy and a girl) and I am still working. I said it like I was so sure of it. Now whenever I recall that very moment, especially that I’m turning 27, it really is something that had flew out of the window. Well, I still believe I’d meet my best behalf when the right time comes. I do not worry about it even at times I crave for a loving guy with me but I get over it. I’m leaving it all to time ‘coz it’s something I can never get over the counter.

 

I better take my beauty rest now ‘coz I can’t have puffy and dark eye bags tomorrow, just in case I’d meet my future husband around the corner hahaha ^__^.

You Got Me (poem)

Why and why you’re always in my mind

I wish you were mine all day and night

This feeling I have for you is intensifying

And soon enough I know will be overpowering.

You are the beat of my heart I cannot fight

I feel you there knocking my breath out

When you’re around, boy, I feel butterflies

You are so enticing in my eyes.

When we are eye to eye everything else is still

And inch by inch you are drawing me closer

Caressing my soul, gluing our eyes together

And making me wonder if your heart had skip a bit.

For my reasons and wits abandoning me

For my lips so thirsty dying to betray me

And for your arms around me and your touch I crave

I think I’m going crazy, so crazy, indeed.

When you are somewhere else I see you in my head

Where every curve of your face is perfectly engraved

Tell me it’s mutual that I’m not just your pal

Otherwise, I’d say you still got me anyway!

 

~ Dizzy ~

Fatal Error (poem)

Tears are born in my eyes

Like a raging river down my face.

I can’t help them nor myself.

‘Coz I’m very torn from deep within.

If not at my best I give a better fight

Even with uncertainties of ever winning

I take it with all my pride

But I feel lonely, will it be for eternity?

I feel like it’s gonna be that way.

Where is the sense of it all?

When love is… just a fading ambition

Dizzy is in fatal error today

And I don’t know what to do

When I run out of wit

Who will fill me some?

I want to go home…

Hug mama or papa without a word

Please, without any word

And don’t worry ‘coz I love you

I will be alright, I will be okay

But ‘till then all I want to do is cry

Just let me cry… for now.

 

~ Dizzy ~

Walk With Me (poem)

Today you are walking with me
On the same road we took just yesterday

It looks like it’s gonna be everyday

But I won’t mind ‘coz I like it anyway.

Those moments I replay in my head

Where everyone is coming and going

And our feet are in harmony walking.

When you glance at me I melt like ice

These little chills feel so grand.

When you talk I hear melodies.

Apparently, you have found your way to me

You can soften my hard edges.

By the fondness of your being

And with your genuine smile

Your stares I clearly understand.

This road is not very long

So tell me to take care as always

And perhaps with a kiss on my cheek

Then, I’ll see you tomorrow

For another walk down this road.

~ Dizzy ~